Finding isolation tough? One N.W.T. foster mom shares her challenges and tips

CBC News cannot legally identify children in care or their foster and biological families. Any identifying details like ages and location have been withheld, and the name of the foster mother who spoke to CBC has been changed. 

Like most parents, Claire says her top priority during the COVID-19 pandemic is making sure her kids are happy and safe.

But that's a difficult task when you're a foster mother to five high-needs children under the age of 11. The kids in Claire's care have faced multiple traumas in their short lives. Some have fetal alcohol spectrum disorder. Others have trust issues. 

Taking care of her kids can be challenging in the best of times. Add in a pandemic where both Claire and her husband are working from home and it can be overwhelming.

"Nobody really had a plan. Nobody knew how to do what they're going to do. We kind of just were going with the flow," she says.

Now, more than a month since schools closed, Claire's family has found a rhythm, which includes lots of time outside.

The kids get up at 8 a.m., have breakfast and brush their teeth.

"I try to get them to do their academics either right after or they go outside and burn some energy and then they do their academic booklet for a couple hours," she says.

"I try to do my phone calls through that time. My husband and I kind of take turns."

Then it's lunch, after which the whole family goes for an hour walk. 

"Depending on the day either the kids come back and do some baking or they clean or they play in the garage. Then we cook dinner together and then go for another walk."

Claire says while she expected some behavioural changes with the new routine, her kids have been thriving.

"A lot of my kids have severe trauma and they've actually been doing really well because they're being fed every day, they're in a safe place and they don't have the pressures of school."

Families struggling 

But Claire says she can't say the same for their biological families. As a precautionary measure during the pandemic, face-to-face visitations between kids and their parents have been suspended. Instead, kids in the system are only able to speak to their families on the phone or using a video calling app.

"I have noticed families suffering from substance abuse is a lot more. We've had to do some quick hang ups," Claire says.

What's most disheartening is the changes she's seen in some of the parents she knew who were working hard to regain custody of their children. 

"I feel like a lot of families who were working really hard at being reunified with their children are now probably thinking what's the point because for some they don't know when the end is in sight," Claire says.

"They're lonely and a lot of the places that they used to be able to go and associate are no longer open. So it's hard, I think, on a lot of these families."

Tammy Roberts, executive director of the Foster Family Coalition of the Northwest Territories, says the pandemic will most likely have another disturbing consequence.

"What I would predict is the same thing that usually happens when kids are not in school —  they don't have that adult checking in on them to see how they are. Usually after the summer or after Christmas holidays there seems to be a surge of kids coming into care because then there's adults that are around that are observing," Roberts says.

"We're expecting that there will be an increase because there's a lot of stress on everyone with COVID-19. I can only imagine being a struggling parent as it is and then having all the other stresses on top of it. We're just trying to be prepared for that if and when it does happen."

Respite care

Like many parents, Claire says the most difficult part of having to isolate is not getting a break. If she goes for a walk by herself, she says she feels guilty.

That's something Roberts says the coalition and the territory's Department of Health and Social Services is working to address. Respite workers who go into foster homes to give parents a reprieve are always in short supply, but are needed now more than ever.

"A lot of our foster homes have more than one child or maybe a child that has challenging behaviour so any relief we can provide for people is beneficial. I think all caregivers at this point are looking for little breaks from being indoors 24/7 with their family," Roberts says.

Claire says the coalition is trying to find her family two respite workers to come and help out during the day. 

But she says, for the time being, her main goal is just making sure the kids are happy.

"I want families out there to know that academics is not our first or second or third priority. This is a time where my kids are in severe trauma and they have so many worries on their mind," she says.

"Our main concern is that they're happy every day, that they're not anxious, and then we worry about the other stuff."