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When your health suddenly takes a turn for the worse

This winter turned out to be one of surprises, and unfortunately they were the nasty kind, writes Jonathan Crowe.
Jonathan Crowe says the last winter has been a tough one on his health. (John Gushue/CBC)

First, let me be clear. I  am not looking for your sympathy, I'm just looking to vent.

This has been the worst winter of my life. No, I am not dying, nor am I in constant pain. Many of you are far worse off than I am. So forgive me if your winter has been worse than mine.

Sometime back in November, life as I know it took a left turn. Three games of hockey a week, runs with my buddy Mike Stringer, long walks downtown — all of it interrupted abruptly by viral pneumonia.

After 54 years of generally robust good health, I was about to discover what it means to lose your mojo.

I am 54, going on 84. And I will never take good health for granted again.

I was off work for three weeks. An occupational health nurse told me it might take me 12 weeks to recover.

In my own mind, I dismissed that. After all I'm different, aren't I? I play hockey; I ran the Cape to Cabot two years ago.

So I was back to work by Christmas. On Boxing Day, buoyed by the steroid-induced euphoria of prednisone, I even hiked Signal Hill.

By mid-January, I was sick again.

Wheezing like a punctured set of bellows

Since then, I have been weaned off prednisone at least three times. It's a powerful anti-inflammatory, a miracle drug that allows you to function normally.

But once the dosage comes down I start wheezing like a punctured set of bellows. I wake up in the morning to the sound of the cat meowing and realize it's not the cat at all. It's my lungs squeaking and creaking as I wake up.

At least two of the medications I am taking warn that I may experience irritability, depression and the desire to self harm. No kidding!

I am 54, going on 84. And I will never take good health for granted again.

Chronic illness isolates you. Every Monday morning I pump my buddy Ryan Snoddon for information on our Sunday night hockey game, the one that I used to play. Who scored? Which goalie lost his temper? How are the boys?

Dashed dreams and saving graces

I miss my hockey buddies, every last one of them. I dream about playing hockey. I dream about running with my friend Mike on a nice warm spring morning. And then I wake up wheezing.

There are some saving graces. I can go to work. It takes pills and puffers and lots of water during the show but I can function.

When I'm not wallowing in self-pity, I think about all of you who have serious illnesses, like cancer.

I feel for people in chronic pain. If I can get this low over a bit of pneumonia, what must it be like for them?  If nothing else, I am emerging from this winter a whole lot more empathetic.

Now, before you fill up the comments section, I am not looking for your pity or sympathy. I was always an optimist at heart. Spring is coming and with it the promise of better health.

So to all of you who've had a tougher winter than me … hang in there. And thanks for letting me vent. 

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jonathan Crowe cohosts Here & Now for CBC Newfoundland and Labrador. He has previously worked as a reporter, producer and videojournalist.