A gross encounter of the 'turd' kind: Everything you need to know about pooping in the woods
Finding human waste left in the great outdoors is a real bummer
Nothing ruins a good hike like finding human poop on the trail.
Trust me on that one.
A hike with my children this summer ended with us running through a swarm of flies with our noses plugged and our eyeballs trying to unsee what we had just witnessed: a pile of human poo and brown-smeared toilet paper waving like a sad flag of defeat.
I wish I could say that was the only poop we saw on that trail, but there was more.
A lot more.
We even found poop and toilet paper under a rock we hauled up. Seriously, you can't make that crap up.
So I feel it's now my duty to well ... educate people on how to do their doody in the great outdoors.
Getting to the bottom of things
There are a lot of right ways to do your business in the 'outdoor office' but only one big fat wrong way: leaving it exposed.
Not only is it super gross for anyone who comes upon it, it's also unsanitary.
"Human waste has bacteria that cause hepatitis, salmonella, giardia and other diseases," says Corner Brook hiking guide Alice Will. "It can get into waterways very easily if it's not buried properly."
Will also makes the solid point that even if you don't come into contact with human waste yourself, a dog will be drawn to that stench and track it back to you.
Think about that the next time your dog licks your face.
Poop happens, so be prepared
When she takes groups for an excursion, Will tells them to pack a bathroom kit consisting of a resealable plastic bag with some toilet paper, hand sanitizer and a small garden trowel to dig a hole.
Your hole should be six to eight inches deep and four inches wide, and Will says to look for a pooping spot 70 adult paces away from a trail, campsite or waterway.
After you pop a squat, you bury it all in when you're done. It's that simple.
What's your pooping style?
Unlike going to the toilet at home, there are surprisingly a lot of different techniques to comfortably move your bowels in the bush. And, of course, there are a plethora of instructional YouTube videos available to help you find your pooping position of choice.
And yes, I am being a bit cheeky about all this — but it really is a serious issue.
No one wants to see your crap in the woods. If you gotta go, bury it.
And if you think this is just a load of you-know-what, well ... maybe you need a little potty training yourself.
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