Love, death and COVID-19: How a mother and son honoured their family with a new documentary
Watch Me, Mom & COVID now on CBC Gem
"I lived with my grandmother for many years, we were very close, and I've always wanted to help preserve her legacy in a way," says Nik Sexton. "She did such a good job of preserving Tommy's legacy, that it's only fair that we do the same for her."
Mary Sexton's face appears onscreen next to her son Nik's, and the two get to chatting. COVID-19 has cancelled holiday plans, and Mary says it's nice to see Nik, because when they usually talk it's over the phone, and often not on a screen, let alone in front of a journalist.
What could have amounted to a standard interview felt instead like sitting in on a family Zoom call, the kind that thousands around the province, with their loved ones spread far across the globe, have become accustomed to over the past year. The Sextons have a knack for bringing people into their private world, and, with a particular sense of humour, sharing the joys and hardships that have come to define their work.
This latest project from filmmaker Mary Sexton, Me, Mom & Covid is an intimate portrayal of her late mother's compassion for her eldest daughter, Edwina. Directed by Nik Sexton, the mother-son duo explore how that same compassion radiated out into the community through Sara Sexton's tireless campaigning against the stigma of HIV and AIDS in the '80s and '90s, and how the echoes of that stigma still affect the province in the era of COVID-19.
Sara Sexton died on Feb. 28, at the beginning of the pandemic, and shortly after the province went into a lockdown. To compound the tragedy of losing the Sextons' matriarch, the pandemic put additional strain on Mary and her family as they were separated from Edwina, who had recently transitioned into a seniors' residence.
The oldest of the nine Sexton siblings, Edwina has a mental disability, and with Sara's death she lost both a mother and a primary caregiver. Their relationship was just one example of Sara's compassionate nature, and her love for her daughter, and all of her children, inspired Mary to pitch the story.
"Nik was always talking about doing a biography or something on Nanny," says Mary Sexton, "and CBC put a call out for a COVID relief fund, and they were looking for projects."
After putting together a number of proposals for projects which were approved, Me, Mom & Covid wasn't initially picked up. It wasn't until a phone call with a former longtime colleague, Leslie Birchard, that things got underway.
"We had a conversation and I told her what I was going through and what I was dealing with," says Mary, "And I told her that if I did do this project, I'd probably get Nik on board."
Even before his mother reached out, Nik Sexton had already begun documenting his grandmother's story. A few years ago, he sat down with her and recorded the stories she told him, building up a small archive.
Watch Me, Mom & COVID on CBC Gem or by clicking below:
"Mary had this paragraph of what the film would be about written up and sent it to me," says Nik Sexton, who was already compiling a larger project. "We were trying to do a film about my grandmother because I thought with all those things that are in the doc, with Edwina, with Tommy — you know, I remember how big of a deal that speech was at the time."
Following the HIV-related death of Mary's brother and famed entertainer, Tommy Sexton, in 1993, her mother's speech at the Gemini Awards became a poignant moment for a community that had otherwise been neglected, and galvanized Sara Sexton as a stalwart activist for those living with HIV/AIDS.
"She believed in her church, she believed in humanity, and she strived to educate everybody to be a kinder, gentler person, and for all of us to get along," says Mary.
Rick Mercer, one of many notable Newfoundlanders featured in Me, Mom & Covid, opines that despite her activism it was perhaps Edwina who kept Sara Sexton going into her old age.
Mercer isn't the only one who believes her daughter is an important part of Sara Sexton's story: Nik Sexton says it was clear from the beginning that Edwina needed to be the focus.
"I said to Mary from the beginning … 'If we're going to make this, I think Edwina should be the star, and you're the shepherd, and essentially it's a love letter to Nan.'"
Though the documentary paints a touching portrait of a family facing adversity, Me, Mom & COVID, as the title implies, goes far beyond Mary and her mother.
Set against the backdrop of a public health crisis, it echoes the same hate Sara Sexton fought against: this time in the form of accusations and fears surrounding COVID-19 in Newfoundland, and in particular, the early outbreak of the virus at Caul's Funeral Home.
"You know, these keyboard warriors that kind of jumped the gun and really hurt people," says Nik, "we saw a lot of that with HIV and AIDS in the '80s and '90s."
Compared to other parts of the country, the number of COVID-19 cases in Newfoundland has been relatively low. That hasn't stopped some however from taking to online platforms to harass and threaten those who were at some point sick.
"I remember years and years ago with the HIV and AIDS, they'd say, 'the innocent victims of AIDS' and everybody was an innocent victim of AIDS," says Mary Sexton. "It wasn't because you got a blood transfusion that you got the shitty end of the stick; there's an awful lot of creative, amazing human beings that were taken down because the World Health Organization wouldn't jump on it, just like they didn't jump on this pandemic and do the right thing."
Heidi Pawlyshyn returned to Newfoundland to attend her father's funeral at Caul's, and only on her way to the airport, she tells the camera, did she begin to feel unwell. Pawlyshyn was already in hospital by the time she was able to notify Caul's.
Tina Holden, who was also in attendance, was one of the first to raise the alarm when it became clear there was a risk of spread to the public. Holden's social media post warning of the spread was initially received positively, before people began to send her hateful comments.
My mother was an educator through and through- Mary Sexton
Nik Sexton says interviewing his family was one thing, but reaching out to people who had faced extreme public backlash was another, as people were apprehensive about putting themselves back into the public spotlight.
"Interviewing Heidi and Tina, I saw first-hand the messages that they'd gotten," says Nik. "We blurred them, but I saw so many messages that were really disturbing, and I think that was what set me off in terms of trying to get that awareness out."
Caul's Funeral Home was apprehensive as well. After becoming the epicentre of the worst COVID-19 outbreak in Newfoundland, the family-run business spent hundreds of thousands of dollars to sanitize its establishment, but the "Caul's Cluster" moniker stuck.
"They felt that they had gotten the raw deal," says Mary. "You know, this was a pandemic that wasn't just affecting Newfoundland; it was wiping the world. And we were just kind of fortunate that we nipped it in the bud as quickly as we did."
Mary says if her mother were still alive to see the stigma around those who've had COVID-19, she wouldn't stand for it.
"She would be very verbal about it. She would be wanting to educate," Mary says. "My mother was an educator through and through: she got her teaching certificate at 17 years of age, and she never stopped teaching almost until the day she died."
The response to Me, Mom & COVID has been overwhelmingly positive, Mary says, with old friends and colleagues reaching out to share their support.
"I think because we're all a little screen-saturated right now, it's kind of nice to see something that was a little raw, and had the content that I don't think they were expecting what they got."
It's not only their team who has received positive support either, Nik says. Pawlyshyn and Holden, too, found themselves receiving notes and congratulations on their courage for speaking up.
"We sort of joke amongst ourselves," says Mary Sexton. "We had a fundraiser — Mom didn't want flowers and stuff at her funeral, she wanted people to make a donation in kind to the Tommy Sexton Centre, so it was the biggest fundraiser we've had in years, [and it] was Mom's passing."
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