New Brunswick

Here's how you can begin to tackle family clutter

Kim Eagles is seeing more adults than ever overwhelmed by the amount of clutter they inherit from their parents and grandparents. She says a more organized life starts with an open discussion about the emotions behind clutter.

Holidays a good time to talk about avoiding inherited clutter, says organization coach

A closet full of clothes and board games.
When it comes to sorting inherited clutter, Kim Eagles said children should focus on keeping what they have a personal connection to instead of what their parents did. (Submitted by Kim Eagles.)

If you're sitting around the living room with your family and you feel like the room is shrinking around you, it might not be the eggnog.

It's probably the clutter.

As a professional decluttering coach, Kim Eagles of Moncton said more adults are inheriting unwanted household items and collectibles from their parents and grandparents.

"I call it the great burden."

She said people are overwhelmed by all they need to sort through when their parents downsize from their childhood homes. A similar stress is placed on entire families when a parent dies, leaving an estate full of items.

A woman in a blue scarf smiles at the camera in front of a mural.
Kim Eagles is a downsizing, decluttering and estate clearing expert in Moncton. She said family should take advantage of being together over the holidays to talk about items they want to inherit from their parents and grandparents. (Submitted by Kim Eagles.)

"Going through somebody's home that is packed full of stuff that you don't value is burdensome," Eagles said. "It's very hard on the families to do that."

Younger generations are less likely to find use for things like fine china, crystal and figurines like their parents or grandparents once did, she said.

But they often feel too guilty to tell their family, and end up with generations worth of boxes and bins in their own basements.

While everyone is home for the holidays, Eagles suggests having an honest conversation about why you're holding on to the clutter in your life.

Focus on personal connection

One of the first things Eagles encourages seniors to do before they pass everything on to their kin, is to simply ask them: what of my things do you want?

In her experience, Eagles said parents are surprised by what their kids want. It often holds their own memories as opposed to what their parents perceive as valuable.

A cupboard full of vintage tea, coffee and cocktail glasses.
It's important for families to be sensitive about their parents' and grandparents' feelings, and keep discussions open and honest about their household items and the memories they carry, Eagles said. (Submitted by Kim Eagles.)

A daughter may want her grandmother's rolling pin, for instance, because she learned to make pies with it and can still use it for her own family.

Eagles said understanding this can help seniors and the person getting the items to narrow down what they want to keep for the right reasons.

"It shouldn't be out of guilt that somebody else had that connection to it," Eagles said. "It should be out of serving you and making you happy."

On the other hand, she said family members need to remember that sensitivity goes a long way in these kinds of tough conversations.

"Just be kind about it," she said. "Like understanding that your parents are attached to their stuff. It has memories, it's like a scrapbook of their life."

Once they have an honest conversation, Eagles said her clients are able to slowly let go of things by donating or recycling them.

Tips for everyday clutter

Inherited clutter isn't the only way excess can take over family life.

Being a parent to young children can come with more toys, clothes and supplies than people know what to do with. And during the holidays, a new batch of gifts can grow the pile even higher.

If you're anything like Melanie Colquhoun of Information Morning Moncton's parents panel, getting rid of old toys happens in phases. 

She said her daughter is still attached to some of her toys, so Colquhoun involves her in the process of donating them when she's ready.

"I'm trying to be reasonable about it but at the same time, if she's trying to hang on to something that is completely mangled, you have to help them draw the line sometimes."

Three people stand side by side by side in a park on a sunny day.
Weh-Ming Cho, Melanie Colquhoun and Clinton Davis, Information Morning in Moncton's parents panel, in August 2024. (Jonna Brewer/CBC)

Clinton Davis said he feels guilty asking his kids to clean when he hasn't addressed his own clutter. He tackles bins he's tucked away over time in small sections so he doesn't get overwhelmed.

His family also sets a limit to the amount of toys the kids can have in the house to help manage the buildup of clutter.

"If new stuffies want to come into the house, something has to leave the bin."

Clinton Davis, Weh-Ming Cho and Melanie Colquhoun make up Information Morning Moncton's parents panel.

When cleaning seems overwhelming, Weh-Ming Cho uses a cleaning game his family refers to as "five-minute blitzes." To get his daughter involved, he sets a timer and challenges his family to clean a specific room before the timer goes off.

Whenever — and however — you decide to tackle clutter, Eagle said people need to be in control of the stuff they let into their lives.

"Stuff is supposed to be used and admired and loved. If it doesn't make you feel any of that, it's not serving a purpose."

And braving a tough conversation now can save families from dealing with burdens down the road, she said.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Katelin Belliveau is a CBC reporter based in Moncton.