'I could barely look at myself': Women turn to tattoos to cover cancer scars
Woman unsettled by scars after breast cancer surgery find tattoos help them move forward
It's been a long road to recovery for Tina Lemieux.
For the Saint John woman, who was only 33 when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, tattooing was a way to get a positive body image back.
"I could barely look at myself in the mirror anymore," she recalled.
Within the span of a year, Lemieux underwent a left mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation treatments. Enough to kick cancer but not the end of her troubles.
The reconstruction process two years later, in 2016, was a nightmare.
It looked like a patchwork quilt, like I'd just been torn apart and patched back together.- Tina Lemieux, breast cancer survivor
Doctors used her radiated skin during the surgery, but after that got infected, they had to take the implant out and start all over.
"The radiated skin … it just wasn't healing properly," Lemieux said. "That was quite the ordeal itself."
Doctors then tried using skin from her back.
It worked, medically speaking, but it left Lemieux devastated.
"It looked like a patchwork quilt, like I'd just been torn apart and patched back together," she said. "It was a big knock to my self-esteem."
For the next two years, it was a constant reminder of what she had gone through.
"It was overwhelming," she said, fighting back tears.
'I might be coming out the other side'
Annmarie Long was diagnosed the same year as Lemieux.
Breast cancer was in Long's family. She found out at 42 she had it in both breasts.
She had a double mastectomy, underwent chemotherapy and two years later, reconstruction surgery.
"They're still not quite right," said Long, who believes in laughing and trying not take it all too seriously.
"Truthfully, to me, that wasn't a sexual part of my being anymore," she said. "It is what it is, I can't change it."
Long said there have been a lot of ups and downs since her diagnosis five years ago, and tattooing was a way for her to let the past go and try to find some closure.
"I'd be by myself and I cried. I would never show anybody else that," Long said. "Now I feel like, OK, I might be coming out the other side."
Long has different scars on each breast. Two weeks ago, she got a nipple tattooed on her left side. She still talks about it with a bit of disbelief — it was removed during the mastectomy, and she never thought she would see one on herself again.
"I looked in the mirror and I was, like wow, I have a nipple!"
On her right side, Long is planning to get a tattoo of an anchor.
"I think I'm anchored now. I think I'm good. It took a long time."
Artist seeing more women
Heath Morrell tattooed both Lemieux and Long.
The 41-year-old tattoo artist from Nauwigewauk, northeast of Saint John, never thought he would end up tattooing women's breasts.
But two and a half years ago, a friend of his who had just recovered from breast cancer asked him if he could tattoo her scars. It was just word of mouth after that.
At first it was just once in a while, but in the last few months, he has seen women come to his shop almost every week with the same request. Many had never had a tattoo.
"It's kind of nice to be able to use whatever talent I have to help them," Morrell said.
He hopes this becomes a regular part of his business, and he has been spreading the word to local doctors as well, hoping to get more women aware they have this option.
"I can actually help other people that have gone through something so bad," said Morrell.
For Lemieux, the tattoo — three birds representing her three sons, perched over tree branches that wrap around her back to cover the scars there — has helped her turn the page once and for all.
"I can look at myself in the mirror now and it's OK. I don't think about things in the past.
"I'm good with that now."
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