Former Lac-Mégantic fire chief opens up about his struggles with PTSD
Denis Lauzon says he still feels triggered by the memories of the train derailment 5 years ago
Denis Lauzon remembers exactly where he was July 6, 2013, when the train derailed and slammed into downtown Lac-Mégantic
It was just after 1 a.m., and he was at home, asleep in bed.
When he got the call, Lauzon — who was the town's fire chief at the time — thought that an airplane had crashed.
"It's only when I came out of the house that I realized the size of the fire. It was a wall of flame with dark smoke. Even [though] it was dark outside and it was dark smoke, we could see it," he told CBC's Daybreak earlier this week.
Lauzon had been working as a firefighter since 1984, and he knew immediately his team didn't have the equipment or resources to fight the fire alone.
He called in for reinforcements from Victoriaville and Sherbrooke, both about 100 kilometres away. People came to help from as far as the U.S.
He said the fire was unlike anything the town of not-quite 6,000 residents had ever seen before. Lauzon described glass exploding from buildings, "like in the movies."
Looking back five years after the fact, Lauzon still feels a rush of emotion.
"Everything goes through my mind, of people I knew that died in that incident. Remembering people calling me and asking me if their kids... if I saw their son. Or a young kid passing me, asking if I saw his parents," he said.
"Everything's coming back every year."
'Talking is healing'
After the fire that claimed 47 lives, Lauzon stopped working for 10 months.
He says he was suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and that he knew many other first responders who were in the same position.
"Normally when you're a man, you're supposed to be strong. You're not supposed to cry or whatever. You're showing your weakness. So PTSD needs to be talked about to all the generations — to make sure that when something happens, we talk about it. We don't keep it to yourself."
Even now, Lauzon says it's triggering to see fireworks, since the sound of the explosion brings him back to that night.
He's since moved to Laval, to be closer to family, and works as the assistant chief at l'Institut de protection contre les incendies du Québec.
He helps train future firefighters and people who handle flammable materials for a living.
Lauzon returned to Lac-Mégantic on Friday to mark the five-year anniversary and visit friends.
He said in the years since the derailment, he's begun to heal and recover, talking openly about his experience and encouraging others to do the same.
"Talking is healing for me," he said. But there isn't a day that goes by when he doesn't think about what happened.
With files from CBC's Jay Turnbull and CBC Daybreak