CBC Christmas Sing-In: Our embedded chorister looks back

I have a love-hate relationship with December.

• CBC Christmas Sing-In: Confessions of an embedded chorister
• Look and listen: CBC Christmas Sing-In 2015 edition
• CBC's Christmas Sing-In smashes fundraising record for NDG Food Depot

I love the lead-up to Christmas: the baking, the shopping, the lights, the carolling, the planning, the parties, the live broadcast for our annual day of giving, and  – this year – singing in the choir at the 35th anniversary edition of the CBC Sing-In.

But I hate the non-stop rushing from one thing to another (the baking, the shopping, the planning, the parties, the live broadcast, etc.) and feeling as if you are never going to get on top of it.

There is always one thing left to do.

But then I walked with saints.

Rehearsal Saturday

The choir had been working hard in the lead up to the Sing-In. We had several late night rehearsals and an all-day dress rehearsal on Saturday.

Everyone was tired but starting to feel the excitement.

We arrived at the Church of St. Andrew and St. Paul Saturday morning to find the church had been taken over by huge black boxes of equipment.

We practised holding candles and walking and singing. I did not trip,- CBC Homerun host Sue Smith

Risers were set up for the choir and brass. There were platforms for the cameras and microphones dangling from the rafters.

The organ had been moved to the front of the church. The back offices were crammed with monitors and sound boards, and there were thick, black cables running everywhere.

It was starting to come together. We were tweaking small mistakes, and I was feeling good.

During rehearsal, William Duffy, my countertenor buddy, told me I had to hold my breath between gloria and excelsis.

A week ago, I would not have been able to do it. But now I could.  

William told me it was "perfect."

I was feeling this unnerving confidence in the material: I knew it well enough to sing loud and strong but was terrified of singing loud and strong.

We practised holding candles and walking and singing. I did not trip.

Stephanie Manias, the beautiful red-headed soprano, told us to make sure to wear comfortable shoes.

"It's a lot of standing," she said.

We were as ready as we ever would be.

The big day: Sing-In Sunday

I arrived at the church at 9:30 a.m. and was surprised to find it peaceful and calm.

The risers had been taken down, the organ, moved to its usual place behind the choir.

The calm before the storm. During the service, Rev. Jack Archibald reminded us about greed.

"No matter how much we have", he said, "we always want more."

"That's me!" I thought.

Some kind of concert

By noon, Sherbrooke Street West outside the church was already packed.

By 2 p.m., there was a line-up that snaked past the church, past the Museum of Fine Arts and continued for at least three city blocks.

A long line, yes, but no long faces.

The mood was positively jubilant.

I heard a woman say to her friend as she crossed the street, "Je ne sais pas! Un genre de concert?"

Yes indeed, some kind of concert – and I was going to be in it!

To shine a bright light

No warm-up for the choir on this day.

We had already sung a full Sunday service.

The hard work was behind us, said conductor Jean-Sébastien Vallée.  Now was the time to let the music speak for itself.

He told us it seems the world is full of darkness these days but that, for the next few hours, we would do our best to use our gifts to shine a bright light.

'Domini' not 'Do re mi'

I didn't cry.

That was my biggest fear as these beautiful carols do get me choked up.

I didn't make any huge mistakes, although I did sing "do re mi" instead of "Domini."

The choir was magnificent, and it was just magical being in the middle of it: standing near Stephanie Manias and Ellen Wieser as they sang their solos, listening to the other-worldly countertenors all around me, bathing in that lovely emotional thrum when the men sing all together.

Watching the percussionists play the chimes and the timpani drums.

The trombonists and their slides, the soaring trumpets.

And that heavenly organ! Organist Jonathan Oldengarm outdid himself. At one point, he had that baby singing so loud the risers were vibrating.

And you, the choir!

It was incredibly moving to be at the front of the church looking out at the real choir.

All of you in the church, all the way to the balcony: I was watching you the whole time. Singing those wonderful melodies. Watching Jean Sébastien's every move.

One of the best parts for me was at the end of each song, he would have his arms in the air, holding out that note and then closing it. He would pause and look up at all of us in the choir with a huge grin.

He confessed to me afterwards he kept forgetting when the audience was supposed to sit down and stand up, but it all seemed to work seamlessly. That's because all of you in the crowd were ready to spring to your feet and belt it out!  

It was overwhelming being right in the heart of it all, something I have dreamed about for years.

• Look and listen: CBC Christmas Sing-In 2015 edition
• CBC's Christmas Sing-In smashes fundraising record for NDG Food Depot

I did it. We all did it together. We were all part of a magical afternoon, shining the beautiful light of music and love into the darkness.

And we raised more than $ 48, 545 (and counting) for the NDG food depot.

Let's see if we can make it $50,000 by Christmas. I know a few saints who will put it to good use.