'You stole my what?' CBC listeners share weird theft tales

When Winnipegger Liam Turnock discovered someone had stolen the back hatch of his Ford Fiesta, he figured that was one of the weirdest things anyone had ever stolen — and CBC's Up To Speed host Ismaila Alfa thought so, too.

Turns out, they were wrong.

On Wednesday, Ismaila asked listeners to share their stories of the "weirdest thing" they've had stolen — and their answers had us laughing out loud.

Here, now, are some of their stories:

A smelly surprise

Doug Parisian 

"I have a Seeing Eye dog and I mention it 'cause it's part of the story. I'm getting on the bus to go to the veterinarian, because my dog had just given me a sample to take to the vet.

And it was in a plastic bag and the plastic bag was tied shut for obvious reasons … and so I guess I put the bag down on the seat beside me.

I went to get off the bus, the bag was gone. Somebody stole my bag, probably thinking it was a bag lunch or something."

Ismaila: "Wow, did they ever get a surprise, didn't they?"

Doug: "Just desserts, right?"

Pocketed a park bench

Garth Sackrison  

"I get home from work and and realized 'Hey wait a second, we had a bench this morning!'

"There were pop bottles lying around, chip bags lying around.… It was as if somebody came and had a party on the bench and thought 'Hey, this is a kind of cool bench. I think we'll take this!'

"So my son and I hop on our bikes and then we start tooling up and down the back lanes and we get to one of the last houses, looking through a little doggy window in a gate, and there it is!

"So we phone up the police, say 'Okay, we got a bench stolen and we know where it is.'

"Later, [police] come down the back lane with a bench in the trunk.

"We asked about pressing charges … and then one of the officers grinned and said the guy gave it to his wife as an anniversary gift … [and] she went upside one side of him, down the other, back up again.… My wife and I looked at each other, kind of chuckled, and said, 'Yeah, we'll think about it …'

"We got our bench back and after that it was spiked and chained to the ground."

Picture perfect theft

Susan Balagus 

"It's a strange story. My husband had his computer stolen … and so they went through the whole office, just to make sure that everything was there, with the police.

"And the only other thing they found missing was my picture off his desk …

"The idea that some strange person had my picture — it was very creepy, very, very creepy."

Cabin fever

Dr. George Newman 

"Twenty years ago, I lived in a tiny ghost town called Lewis, Man. 

"I was driving home on a rainy early spring night and saw a mobile home on fire.

"I noticed that the front of the trailer was fully involved and the fire was spreading to the rear quickly. 

"I grabbed a tire iron from my truck and got the door open and found an unconscious male on a bed in the back.  I dragged him out and away from the fire, propping him up against a fence post near the as-yet unopened gate.

"When I was giving my statement to the RCMP, I asked where the owner was and I was told that he had gone to a neighbour's house and was then heading to his home in the city.

"Apparently he had been brooding chicks in the living room and the heat lamp had initiated the fire.

"In the fall of that year, the fire victim called and asked if he could come out to my home and I said, 'Yes.'

"When he showed up, he presented me with a fresh chicken. While we were chatting, his eyes were roving over my place. He pointed to one of my guest cabins and asked if he could see it. I showed it to him and he immediately offered to purchase it. I told him it was not for sale.

"A few weeks later, I had to go [on a] quick trip and I arrived back home within six days … only to discover the cabin and all its furnishings was gone!

"It turns out the fellow whose life I had saved came onto my property when I was away, jacked up my cabin, put it on a trailer and drove away with it!"

Cold, hard Canadian Tire cash

Hannah Foulger

"When my mum and I were visiting Edinburgh, we got dropped off in the church where we were staying.

"Having just got off the bus from London, we immediately went to the bathroom. My mum left the bathroom first and started screaming. She'd caught this man zipping up her handbag!

"He immediately ran out the door with a wad of cash. She went across the street to file the police report and came back after what felt like an hour, having filed the report, and told me he'd stolen [our spending money], but also $5 to $10 of Canadian Tire money!"

Tune in to CBC's Up To Speed with Ismaila Alfa each weekday afternoon from 3 to 6 p.m. CT.