Manitoba healing camp helps residential school survivors amid search for graves, preparation for Pope's visit
No matter what happens, 'we have to keep moving forward,' elder says
Donnie McKay sobs quietly and wipes away tears as he gazes across the Nelson River to where his grandmother used to live.
"She was so kind to us. She was everything for me at that time," he said, describing how men in black robes came to take him and his younger sister away.
An elder now, he recalled how excruciating it was to be "so close, yet so far away" when, as a young child, he was forced to attend the Catholic-run St. Joseph's residential school on what's now Pimicikamak Cree Nation, in northern Manitoba.
"For me, it was a prison," he said. "I always call it a prison. We were illegally taken from our home and put in this institution."
McKay and others have spent the past week in their first-ever healing camp, dealing with the emotions surfacing as Pimicikamak uses ground-penetrating radar to search for unmarked graves, and also as preparation for Pope Francis's visit to Canada, which begins Sunday.
The camp, which includes ceremonies, a sacred fire, and mental health supports, is the first time many of the elders have shared their stories with each other, McKay said.
"I think that helped ease up a bit on their experiences and what they have kept inside themselves," he said, adding he is still looking for a way to release his own anger.
'I carry it with me every day'
A short drive away along the river, Shirley Robinson stands in an old cemetery — the final resting place of some residential school students and staff.
One all-white statue stands out. It depicts St. Joseph tenderly holding a child in his arms.
Robinson doesn't spend much time there. She wishes Indigenous children were cared for and loved like that, but said it feels like that statue tells a lie.
Instead, she walks over to a memorial to students who died at the school and reads the inscription on the back.
"Although you destroyed a little part of my being, you could not destroy the spirit and culture inside of me," she reads, her voice breaking.
"We will never forget and will keep forever in our hearts the spirits and memories of those who didn't survive."
A residential school survivor, and the daughter of parents who were also forced to attend the church-run, government-funded schools, Robinson has also been responsible for documenting the stories of elders.
Many of them included heartbreaking experiences of abuse and neglect.
"I carry it with me every day. There's times when it's very heavy," she said. "I want them [the Catholic church] to admit that they've done wrong to us."
Heartbreaking stories are not far below the surface here. For the last two weeks, Pimicikamak has been using ground-penetrating radar to identify possible unmarked graves on what was once the main residential school in the region, run by the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate.
As chief documentary researcher, Lisa Muswagon has been digging through the archives, trying to find documents that would identify students who came from many neighbouring communities.
It's been difficult because there were federally funded schools at two locations near Pimicikamak — one at Norway House and one at Cross Lake. There was also a fire in 1930 that destroyed many of the school records.
She has also visited other First Nations, such as Cowessess in Saskatchewan — where last year, what are believed to be 751 unmarked graves were found at the site of the former Marieval Indian Residential School — to get advice on how to best do this work.
"You get overwhelmed sometimes, but in a good way — not overwhelmed with all the trauma, but overwhelmed with joy, too," she said.
"Some people, when you tell them what you're doing, they're like, 'Oh, I'm so sorry you're going through that.' But yet it's kind of like a like a shining light, because we're able to move forward.
"So the energy here is a lot of healing, a lot of coming together, supporting one another."
People in her generation still struggle with the intergenerational effects of residential school, but Muswagon believes they are trailblazers and have an important role in breaking the negative cycles.
Mixed feelings about papal visit
She has mixed feelings about the visit by Pope Francis, which begins in Edmonton on Sunday before stops in Quebec and Iqaluit. He is expected to make an apology for the Roman Catholic Church's role in Canada's residential school system.
Muswagon says she's going to Edmonton because it's a "timestamp for our community."
"Is there really reconciliation? Like, will the truth really be acknowledged?" she asked.
"So for me, I'm going there on a personal journey with the strength of my community and my people and my family and to show the future."
Others have doubts about the papal visit.
WATCH | Jackson Osborne explains why won't travel to see Pope Francis:
"He wants to apologize to us. What would that mean? Will things change?" Jackson Osborne asks.
Osborne attended a different residential school, but many of his extended family were at St. Joseph's. He's still angry about the way he and his family members were treated at residential schools.
He's not going to Edmonton to see the Pope. He knows what he needs to hear, but doubts the pontiff will deliver.
"He's got to touch a Bible and say, 'I'm sorry what we did to you on behalf of the government and the RCMP. I'm sorry. Forgive us. We created genocide. We created crime on your own country, on your own land,'" said Osborne.
"If he doesn't say that, there's gonna be no truth and reconciliation, they will never be. There will never be peace, never."
Back at the cemetery, the wind has picked up.
It's a sign, Robinson said.
"It means there's someone with us, and that's our Creator.… He's walking with us and I know he will journey with us … to ensure that justice is served," she said.
"We have to keep moving forward."
Support is available for anyone affected by their experience at residential schools or by the latest reports.
A national Indian Residential School Crisis Line has been set up to provide support for former students and those affected. People can access emotional and crisis referral services by calling the 24-hour national crisis line: 1-866-925-4419.