I survived violence and exploitation while homeless in Winnipeg

This First Person column is the experience of Lisa Wiebe, a rural Manitoba mother who took photos to document her journey into homelessness. This is Part 2 in her First Person series about her experience. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

WARNING: This column contains reference to sexual assault and suicide.

In early 2019, I could no longer pay the rent and put food on the table at the same time. 

That's when I found myself homeless in rural Manitoba, just outside Steinbach.

And that's when my employment income assistance case worker gave me some advice — make your way to Winnipeg and seek out shelters there. There'd be more to chose from. So I did. 

But.

The resources in Winnipeg turned out not to be easily accessible. There are so many roadblocks, it felt like they were put into place just to keep the homeless precisely where they are: in a constant state of survival of the fittest.

Most often, I couldn't get into the shelters as they were full — and there was a several-months-long wait list.

So at times I traded sex for a place to stay and food to eat. I often ended up badly assaulted and on one occasion actually ended up as a sexual hostage.

Yes, if I sat outside any McDonald's long enough, someone would be kind enough to buy me a coffee and there was always someone willing to give me a ride to one of the shelters. Do-gooders thought they were helping me. But again, the shelters were usually full. 

And when homeless, the key to survival is to constantly be on the move. Take rest breaks, but never stay in one place for too long. It isn't safe.

'Shelter or food. Not both'

On one occasion, I stopped to help another homeless person, a man who was clearly distraught, trying to light his cigarette. At that point, he grabbed my arm and tried to drag me down a back alley, muttering a whole lot of talk about making nice babies. If it weren't for the very large stranger who grabbed the man by the shoulder and told me to leave, I don't know where I would be today.

While I was on the streets in Winnipeg, I was able to apply for Manitoba Housing, but was told to wait eight weeks. I was denied all rentals I applied for. I never saw the inside of any shelter. Never found any helpful resources. 

It was hard enough just finding a place to go to the bathroom, as most of the public washrooms were locked or for paying customers only. 

Employment income assistance cut me off at one point because I didn't have a fixed address. (I was homeless.) At least, that is what the worker told me. 

I did fight it, and I did finally get some benefits. But only the basic — the bare minimum. That left me with the option of shelter or food. Not both. 

I found myself crouched against the exterior wall of the McDonald's … with no strength to go further.- Lisa Wiebe

One time, the crisis stabilization unit took me in because I felt suicidal after my sexual assaults. But it didn't help me much.

I was given the rental ads every day and a day pass to go look at rentals. I had a cellphone, though it was not connected to any services, so making phone calls was out of the question, unless I was connected to public Wi-Fi.

I was not given any counselling or any real help for the issue I had actually come in for (the sexual assault) and instead, they released me back onto the street days later — still homeless and still very much traumatized.

'I attempted to walk back to Steinbach'

That night I attempted to walk back to Steinbach — more than 60 kilometres away — but after three hours of walking in the rain with more than 20 kilograms of clothing and essentials on my back through some really rough neighbourhoods, I found myself crouched against the exterior wall of the McDonald's on the eastern edge of Winnipeg's city limits, with no strength to go further.

All I could do was sit there and cry, while I begged anyone and everyone on my Facebook page for some sort of help. I ended up with yet another ride to a shelter at four in the morning, only to be turned away again.

I was told there was no room and they do not accept anyone after a certain point in the evening. They told me to come back at a decent time tomorrow and try again. 

I did not return to the shelter again.

Instead I reached out to Steinbach Community Outreach, which runs a Christian shelter for homeless people in that city. It's not a government agency and it's not government-funded. 

And here I was, emotionally broken and penniless in Winnipeg.

But they said they'd take me in.

The director promised me that if I could find a way back there, she could help. A little more than 24 hours later, I found a ride to Steinbach and left Winnipeg.

If you or someone you know is struggling, here's where to get help:

• Talk Suicide Canada: 1-833-456-4566 (phone) | 45645 (text between 4 p.m. and midnight ET).
• Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 (phone), live chat counselling on the website.
• Canadian Association for Suicide Prevention: Find a 24-hour crisis centre.
• This guide from the Centre for Addiction and Mental Health outlines how to talk about suicide with someone you're worried about.

Support is also available for anyone who has been sexually assaulted.

You can access crisis lines and local support services through this government of Canada website or the Ending Violence Association of Canada database. ​​If you're in immediate danger or fear for your safety or that of others around you, please call 911. 

This column is part of  CBC's Opinion section. For more information about this section, please read this editor's blog and our FAQ.

• Read more opinion pieces published by CBC Manitoba.