Kids need more time to play, without parents around
Free play doesn't have to be unsafe, writes Louella Lester
Every generation thinks the next generation is doing something wrong, is somehow doomed. And every generation thinks the previous one doesn't understand or is guilty of creating a world that is now harder to negotiate.
We criticize 'kids these days' and talk about their choice in music and clothing. We point out their reliance on social media and decry their addiction to gaming and smart phones, often while we are glued to our own devices. But if the next generation is struggling, I'd like to suggest that the solution might be as simple as child's play.
We want children to do well. Today, we worry a lot about safety and think that keeping children involved in organized activities will keep them out of trouble. If they participate in school or community sports and take dance or art classes, the instructors, coaches, or refs are there to guide, explain and enforce rules.
These activities do play a role in helping kids learn the skills they'll need for life but if we get too caught up in our fears we may forget about something more important that contributes to their happiness and success — a chance to learn on their own.
I taught teenagers for many years and I would argue that some of the most important attributes of learning for life — curiosity, creativity, critical-thinking and problem-solving — come from real experience, messy experience.
Working it out as you go, by yourself or with your peers, without too much adult interference. In a world where someone calls CFS to check on the parenting skills of a Winnipeg mother who allowed her children, the oldest being ten, to play in the backyard unattended, adult-free play may be seen as an unsafe option. But free play doesn't have to be unsafe.
I think we, as adults, can find a point somewhere between unsafe and stifling. We can keep an eye out from a sensible distance. Personally, it doesn't matter to me what music kids are listening to, that they are glued to smart phones or they wear odd clothing.
Life has changed, it always does, and that's okay. I was barely a tween when my mother banned us from listening to "Can't Get No Satisfaction" because the Rolling Stones sang about trying to make a girl pregnant. But "Let's Spend the Night Together" was allowed because she didn't realize it was about more than an evening date.
So, the fact that I didn't get pregnant in high school can't really be attributed to the music I was listening to, one way or the other. Though Mom was strict about music choice, chores and school work, she had a freer attitude about outdoor play.
On weekends and during the summer, when we were untethered from school and if our chores were done, we were free. And for that I am thankful because I believe the seed of any creative ability I may now have was planted when I was reading or participating in adult-free play.
We barely noticed adults throughout the day, only checking in when we were hungry. We learned those same skills that kids learn in organized activities but also much more.
We played baseball on the field above the sand cliffs north of our home. We picked teams and all of us played, experiencing wins and losses. We fought about what was fair or whose turn it was, we figured it out. We learned to be adaptable, flexible and to take criticism. If we needed someone to be in charge it happened naturally. We designed and built tree forts that sometimes stayed up, sometimes fell down and we learned from it, without adult guidance.
Work ethic. Creativity. Problem-solving. We created animal graveyards where we buried the birds that mistook the big window for free air and the mice that were tempted by the cheese in Dad's traps. We sang hymns for them and gave eulogies.
Communication. Empathy. We learned about the waves and undertow on Lake Winnipeg and when it was safe to swim. The sun told us when it was time to go home.
Observation. Critical thinking. Time-management. We didn't even know we were learning. It was just fun. So, let's stop worrying, judging and blaming. We don't need to get rid of the organized stuff, but we can cut back. We can relax a little, watch from a distance and allow the kids time to just play. Without us.
Louella Lester is a Winnipeg poet and writer.