From a hockey-themed wedding to facing off against cancer: How these Manitoba newlyweds stayed strong
Just weeks after Jets superfans Kyle and Stefanie Calder got married, Kyle discovered he had cancer
When Kyle and Stefanie Calder said "I do" in September 2018, they didn't realize the "in sickness and in health" part of their vows would be put to the test so soon.
The young Manitoba couple — who attracted media attention during the Winnipeg Jets' 2018 playoff run with their remarkable "fan cave" — celebrated their special day with a Winnipeg Jets-themed wedding, a Stanley Cup cake, and a ceremonial puck drop.
A month and a half later, after Kyle suffered a knee injury at work, they got some devastating news.
"I got a call that morning.… I don't remember a whole lot of the conversation, I very clearly just remember [hearing] 'You have cancer,'" said Kyle, who just turned 31.
"It was very frightening to hear those words, and there's still a part of me now that still doesn't want to believe that I even had it," he said.
Scans showed that what the Calders thought was a knee injury was osteosarcoma, a very aggressive form of bone cancer.
"My first question for [the doctor] was, 'Am I going to die?'" said Kyle.
"It was definitely shocking. Not what we were expecting at all," said Stefanie, 29.
There had been no symptoms, other than the pain in Kyle's knee. He's a carpenter and a hockey player, and is no stranger to being bumped and bruised.
"He had injured himself at work. We thought, you know, at the worst he broke something or he fractured something," said Stefanie.
"As soon as he said it was cancer, it was just … where do we go from here? What's our next step?"
'One day at a time'
The following weeks were filled with more scans, blood tests and a bone biopsy. The couple, who live near Beausejour — about 50 kilometres northeast Winnipeg — soon realized any plans they had for their future, or even a honeymoon, would have to wait.
"We have a motto, which is 'one day at a time,' because we started looking further and further ahead, and it became very overwhelming very quickly," Kyle said.
Stefanie and Kyle had planned on starting a family, but were told that while Kyle was undergoing treatment, that wouldn't be possible because of the side effects of his chemotherapy.
"The very next day we went to the fertility clinic and talked with the doctors there, and yeah — we left pretty upset," said Kyle.
They were told their best plan was to try in vitro fertilization, but it wasn't something they could afford.
The only other option the couple saw was to put off the cancer treatment.
"It was, let's try and see if we can conceive while we still have that chance now, because we were told it would be up to two years before we could try [to] conceive naturally, with him going through chemo treatments," said Stefanie.
Kyle delayed the start of his chemotherapy until the New Year, in the hopes he and his wife could have one last normal Christmas together.
Chemotherapy, surgery
Kyle said because he was young and otherwise healthy, doctors began an aggressive round of chemotherapy.
"Physically, I'm going to say that I was somewhat prepared for what was going to happen. I wasn't nearly prepared in any way mentally," Kyle said.
Within a few weeks of getting treatment, Kyle casually ran his hand through his hair while watching TV one day.
"I just kind of touched my head, and my whole hand was just full of hair," he said.
He underwent three months of chemotherapy before travelling to Vancouver for surgery, where about eight inches of his tibia was removed and replaced with a steel prosthetic. Part of his calf muscle was removed and used to rebuild the muscle over his knee.
Then came more chemo.
Along with that came nausea, loss of appetite, and mouth sores so severe it hurt to drink water.
"The mental game was very tough, and is still very tough," Kyle said.
"It takes a lot some days just to get out of bed."
'You go to a dark place'
As Kyle fought a physical battle, he and his wife also struggled to navigate the health-care and benefits system. Stefanie had to continue to work, while also being Kyle's primary caregiver.
As the physical tolls became apparent, so did the emotional ones.
"I wasn't myself.… I didn't feel like myself. I definitely didn't look like myself," said Kyle.
"[You] go to a dark place. That happens.… It still happens."
As the year went on, the couple stayed strong and leaned on each other — and their love of hockey — to get them through.
The pair still made a point of sharing every Jets game together, sometimes listening over the radio from a hospital bed.
"We watch them together," said Stefanie. "We always, always make sure that that is something that at least brings that little bit of light to our day."
Adjusting to a new life
Now, the couple are looking forward to a better year coming up.
"I was never told, 'Kyle, you are in remission.' But I was told that the chemo had worked, everything was successful," Kyle said.
He has a followup exam in the new year, and will need those checkups regularly for the rest of his life. There's also a chance his body will someday reject the steel implant.
The two are still looking forward to one day starting a family, and still figuring out how to adjust to their new life.
In some ways, things are getting better. Kyle has recently been able to head back downstairs into the couple's Jets cave — something he couldn't do for a while because of the pain and stiffness in his leg.
That's helped them return to some sense of normalcy, even though things will never quite be the same.
The couple who bonded over their love of hockey were also a team on the ice — they played together on a coed hockey team.
They may never have that chance again.
"I'm struggling, mentally, with it," said Kyle. "Just trying to cope with everything that we just went through. Still trying to plan for the future and then realize the things that I'm not going to be able to do anymore."
That includes "most likely not being able to play hockey ever again — not on skates anyways," he said.
"So there's a lot of grief, and I've tried really, really hard through all of this to not ever try and feel down on myself, or self-pity."
'An even bigger fight'
The couple say the support they've received from family, friends and co-workers has been critical in helping them through the past year.
"You can't survive without those supports," said Stefanie.
But Kyle is quick to give the credit to his wife.
"It's very important to me that other people know how much of a rock star my wife is," he said. "I wouldn't still be here if I wasn't with her and [didn't] have the bond that we have together."
He also says it's important for people to know that it's not just those who have cancer whose lives are affected by the disease — those around them make sacrifices as well.
"People might not always show that they have things going on in their lives that may be upsetting or causing problems for them or their family," he said.
"I just want people to realize that there's families out there that are fighting physically, but mentally there's probably an even bigger fight."
