Faith community needs to do more to tackle domestic violence, former victims say

A Winnipeg woman says religious leaders need to do more to address domestic violence in their own communities.

Zita Somakoko, along with the help of the Manitoba Association of Women's Shelters, organized a forum in Winnipeg on Wednesday afternoon to share stories with religious groups on how to "break the silence" on domestic abuse.

"It's a silent epidemic because we have many traditions, religious traditions, that are actually almost condoning this kind of behaviour by blaming the victim." Somakoko said. "Everything in our faith communities is dealt with in a different way."

Somakoko said she was in an abusive relationship for 10 years, and it took her 14 years to finally share her story with other victims of domestic violence.

She said the abuse started while she was living in the U.S. and she was afraid to speak out against her partner at first, because of the lack of support from her family and her own church.

"I didn't want to deal with the shame, I didn't want to deal with the scandal," Somakoko said.

At the time of the abuse, she was an ordained pastor at a Protestant church and so was her father. She said when she told her senior pastor and father about the abuse, she felt like she was being blamed.

"I was told that you know 'maybe you got to do more, to give him the lead more because you tend to be very strong, you have a very strong personality. He's acting out.'" she said.

Somakoko said after sharing her story with other domestic abuse victims in Winnipeg this year, she realized more needed to be done to support women in the faith community.

"My father didn't want to talk to me for three years. I was saying that I'm going to file for a divorce, and he's like 'no you're not marriage is for life, and for better or for worse.' And I told my dad if this is my ticket to hell, I'll gladly take it."

'I didn't feel like I could leave'

Gorete Rodrigues, who was raised Roman Catholic, said she stayed in an abusive relationship for 11 years because she thought that's what she was supposed to do.

"I didn't feel like I could leave," she said. "The church kept saying, you know, you're doing something wrong, something must be wrong."

But Rodrigues added, "It doesn't say anywhere in the Bible that you're supposed to stay with a man who beats you. Actually, God says you need to leave, so for me I was like, 'Why didn't nobody tell me this?'"

She said she went for marriage counselling and eventually a priest told her to get out of the marriage.

"He said, 'God doesn't want this for you. You need to leave, he's going to kill you,'" she said.

"He was just that final push that I needed to get out; it was the permission."

1st ever forum in Winnipeg

Deena Brock, the head of the Manitoba Association of Women's Shelters, said the forum in Winnipeg is the first of its kind.

"It is something that our board has talked about generally in the past, we just hadn't really had the opportunity to take it a step forward." Brock said.

Of the 45 invitations that were sent to religious leaders in Winnipeg, 13 confirmed their attendance 

"It is new obviously, it's something that people aren't necessarily comfortable talking about, let alone listen to the different stories," she said, adding that she's happy even if just one religious group responded, calling it a "good first step."

The Archdiocese of St. Boniface was invited to the forum but officials could not attend due to scheduling issues. A spokesperson told CBC News the church does not condone marriages if the safety of a spouse is at risk.

John Salumu-Kasongo, a pastor with Calvary Temple, said members are encouraged to talk to their pastors about any concerns they have at home.

Salumu-Kasongo went to the forum and said while domestic violence isn't new, he agrees that more needs to be done.

"It's a subject and a topic that is very important, especially for the new immigrant," he said. "We have a lot of problems, violence, domestic violence in our community."

According to the World Health Organization in 2013, 35 per cent of women across the world have experienced abuse by a partner or non-partner. But there's not a lot of data on how pastors and religious leaders are addressing domestic abuse and sexual violence in faith communities.