'You are not alone': New campaign aims to help newcomer women access domestic violence support

A Bangladeshi woman living in Winnipeg says she felt shame seeking help to get out of an abusive marriage and hopes that sharing her story will help other newcomer women.

Durdana Islam was married in 2002 to a man she only met a couple of times before.

"I was literally marrying a stranger. His background and everything look[ed] really nice, and he's a gentleman. Everybody liked him. So it's that's how it started," she said in an interview on CBC Manitoba's Information Radio on Wednesday.  

A week after their wedding, Islam noticed her new husband was controlling, didn't appreciate her opinions and always needed the upper hand. Shortly after, he started hurting her — eventually nearly every day of the week.

Violence against women happens in every community, but women from newcomer communities face specific barriers to getting help and finding safety, advocates say.

Islam said she felt she had to hide her abuse from people in her community, or risk shaming her family back in Bangladesh.

"To the outside world, I'm a very happy, bubbly and a strong person who is very ambitious, but it was a huge shame that I was carrying with myself, and there was no way I would bring shame to my family — my family of origin."

"What I was feeling inside, I never felt safe to express it outside."

Islam stayed with her husband for 10 years, and up until that point, her children were never abused.

That is until the end of their marriage.

That night in 2012, her husband became frustrated with their toddler son and put him in a recycling bin, closing the door on him, she said.

Islam's daughter came running to get her and she was able to pull her son out and calm him down. The next day the three of them left and went to a shelter.

"At that time, nobody in Winnipeg from my community knew that I was in an abusive relationship because every time I would pretend to be a very submissive wife and because I would do extra to pretend that I'm happy," Islam said.

She is now a renowned scholar and instructor in the department of geography at the University of Winnipeg. Her ex-husband left Canada years ago and moved back to Bangladesh.

You are not alone

More newcomer women are using shelters to escape abusive relationships, but social and cultural taboos still prevent many from reaching out for help, the Manitoba Association of Women's Shelters says.

The organization launched a multilingual awareness campaign on Tuesday targeted at women like Islam.

The You Are Not Alone program aims to reach women experiencing domestic violence in numerous newcomer communities.

LISTEN | Organization aims to reach women in abusive relationships impacted by cultural taboos:

The organization is targeting these communities because of their unique needs, said Amrita Chavan, the communications specialist for MAWS in an Information Radio interview on Monday.

Sponsored refugees and new immigrants sometimes have one partner's name on all documentation, and that can pose problems, she said.

"That can often put one partner or one family member in a position of power and control, so newcomer women and newcomer families often experience a greater sense of isolation," Chavan said.

Coupled with language and cultural barriers, that can "create a perfect storm of abuse, power and control," she said.

The organization created a number of videos in five languages — Arabic, Persian, Punjabi, Mandarin and English — to hopefully help people experiencing domestic abuse access the help they need.

Chavan hopes to be able to make even more videos in more languages, and that all the organizations that partner with MAWS will share the videos widely.

"We're going to try to get these videos out there as much as possible, and make this message of you are not alone, that help is available, and you have the right to be safe as accessible as possible."

Support is available for anyone who is being abused. You can access a confidential crisis and support Line by calling 1-877-977-0007, or through this Government of Canada website. You can find out more about shelters through the Manitoba Association of Women's Shelters website. If your situation is urgent, please contact emergency services in your area.