'I feel like I can do anything': Kids gripped by anxiety get help finishing school

Devin knew he was supposed to go to school — he even wanted to go to school — but he couldn't.

"I would get all ready, but I would freeze," he says. "I just wouldn't be able to get out of my door. I'd be crippled, pretty much, and I wouldn't respond. I would just sit there and refuse."

Devin, 15, suffers from anxiety so bad that he was in danger of failing school until he entered a pilot program in Winnipeg for teens like him.

The Anxiety Management Program, piloted in the 2015-16 school year at Kelvin High School, is attended by a maximum of eight to 10 high school students in the Winnipeg School Division with a goal of putting them back into mainstream classrooms.

For Devin, the program has helped him love school after years of paralyzing anxiety that he's suffered from since he was a little boy.

He pauses and searches for words when asked to describe how anxiety feels.

"It's like your heart's beating 1,000 beats per minute. It puts you in a state of mind that you just feel like you can't do anything, and you feel so down," he said.

Even though administrators from his school would actually go to his home to make him go to school, he missed frequently before his social worker told him about the new program for teens battling anxiety.

He's back in the AMP this year after being part of its pilot year. Students from any high school in the division — Devin went to Grant Park High School — are eligible to attend. The program costs the division $200,000 per year.

A committee of professionals chooses students on the basis of who will receive the most benefit. Participants must want to improve their school work and deal with their anxiety.

In a recent Winnipeg School Division survey of students called "Tell them from me," approximately 22 per cent of students in grades 7–12 reported having anxiety or "intense feelings of fear, anxiety or worry about particular events or social situations."

The AMP is the division's response to cases of severe anxiety, says Tim Thorne-Tjomsland, service director for the WSD's clinical support services.

I just wouldn't be able to get out of my door. I'd be crippled, pretty much, and I wouldn't respond.- Devin

"Three or four years ago, we did a project called preventing and reducing anxiety in children and youth, and we started doing a lot of work around mindfulness and doing really preventative kinds of things," he says.

"But we realized that prevention is not always enough, and what we wanted to do was provide an additional level of support for students who needed that support."

The AMP classroom looks like a very large studio apartment. There's a kitchen, a bathroom and a large lounging area with couches and chairs, as well as a group work area and an office. 

The walls are decorated with motivational sayings and the teens' own photography and artwork.

Jessica Blaikie-Buffie is the teacher and guidance counsellor who runs, and clearly loves, the program. 

She leads a three-person in-class team; the other two are Aaron Catellier, a full-time educational assistant, and Donna Martin, a half-time social worker.

One of their goals is to create a home-like atmosphere. In the morning, the room welcomes students with the scent of fresh baking and brewing coffee or tea.

Every day starts with a check-in, Blaikie-Buffie says.

"What's so key about that is that we're saying to the students the first thing on our agenda every day is how are you [and] what's going on with you," she says.

"It means that if you've come and you're having a bad day, we can appreciate that you made it in. We can celebrate that, and then we can find ways to, throughout the day, to either work with you one on one, or as a class to support you in whatever it is that you might need." 

There are accommodations that allow students to avoid situations that may be overwhelming for anxious teens. For instance, AMP students arrive at school when the majority of Kelvin students are already seated in their classrooms. 

And the design of the classroom means they don't have to use the main washrooms, locker area or cafeteria unless they want to.

"What we know of our students is that the crowds can be really intimidating. We know that self-perception is really huge for these students as well, so worrying what others think of them, worrying what others perceive their outfit to look like that day or what people are thinking when they walk by," Blaikie-Buffie says.

"That's obviously something we're working on with them throughout the year, to help them understand and deal with these thoughts and feelings. But at the same time, if you can eliminate that little bit of fear and start the day right, let's do that."

'Lovely sensitivity'

Blaikie-Buffie says her students are "wonderfully interesting and intellectually capable."

"They're fascinating to work with, but they also have this lovely sensitivity to them that I think  played into that sense of discomfort and uneasiness in terms of making connections.

"What we're really trying to do with them is sort of really help model positive connections and create such a comfortable environment that they can sort of relearn that school is comfortable."

The empathy that sometimes makes their lives hard is what also allows them to help each other connect, Blaikie-Buffie says.

She describes a moment recently when a very quiet girl picked up a deck of cards. She didn't say "let's play," but her classmates immediately knew what she wanted. Within minutes, five kids were playing cards, laughing and talking and having fun. 

For kids with anxiety, that's huge, Blaikie-Buffie says. 

"You know these kids have had difficult experiences," she says, her voice breaking. "Anxiety is really hard to deal with, so to be able to see them just hanging out and being regular high school kids, it's really quite beautiful."

Students in AMP can earn high school credits in subjects such as English, phys ed, life-work experience and photography — educational assistant Aaron Catellier is a professional photographer — but all the subjects include the program's key goals.

To see them just hanging out and being regular high school kids, it's really quite beautiful.- Jessica Blaikie-Buffie

For example, phys ed is geared around activities that promote relaxation, such as walking outside and yoga. 

The ultimate goal is to help the kids become strong enough to thrive in school outside of the AMP.

It's just one month into the school year but that transition has already begun, with other Kelvin teachers invited into the AMP room for lunch so the kids can meet them. Next semester, each of the students will attend one or two regular classes in a regular classroom. 

Support won't be far away, though, Blaikie-Buffie says. 

"We're here so on the days that class seems a little bit too daunting we can be a backup option and then help the student to strategize: 'What do you need to get there? What is blocking you?' Help them to learn how to sort of debug the anxiety while they're taking a class with a more normal amount of students in the room."

Success stories

After its pilot year, there are already success stories.

Donna Martin, the half-time social worker who came out of retirement to be part of the program, has kept in touch with students who have moved on to other schools. She says some of the changes are remarkable, noting the example of a girl who, when she first entered AMP, was extremely withdrawn.

"When she first came in, she didn't talk. Her head was down a lot. She spent a lot of time by herself and had a really difficult time communicating with people."

Martin recently accompanied the girl and her dad to her first day in a new school. 

"I phoned her dad a couple of days later to see how it's going. Her dad's voice cracked and said, 'I picked her up at the end of the day, and she was sitting on the steps with people, with other classmates, and they were talking and laughing,'" Martin recalls. "And he said, 'I don't know if I've ever seen that before.'"

Another student from the pilot year is attending regular classes, holding down a part-time job and looking forward to graduating, Martin says.

He used to always jump to the worst possible scenario in his mind, she says, but when she checked in with him this week, he laughed and said, "Yeah, I don't do that anymore."

As for Devin, the boy whose anxiety prevented him from even getting to school, now he can't wait to get there.

"I look forward to it. I'm, on the weekends, anxious to get back, pretty much. It's nice to see friends and people that treat you pretty nice."

And his future?

"I feel like I can do anything," Devin says. "I feel like I'm going to be able to go through high school very easily. Like, learning these strategies, I feel like next year will hopefully be a lot easier for me than my past years."