4 ways to get through a Blue Christmas: Handling depression during the holidays
It’s that time of year again, and I can’t stand it, Jo Davies writes – but there are ways to cope
It's that time of year again, and I can't stand it. I'm trying hard to be happy that Christmas is coming and the goose is getting fat, but frankly, all I really want for Christmas is a strong sedative or a ticket to Jamaica.
I wasn't always like this. There were quite a few years when I was happy to wait up for old Kris Kringle while wrapping prezzies and watching It's a Wonderful Life for the umpteenth time. Then my dad died in November 1992, and my whole world caved in. Christmas that year was a blur of tears, sleepless nights and long, sad silences. The births of my children did manage to brighten the Yuletide season again for a while, but that was when they were little guys. Now, my boys are cynical, know-it-all teenagers. Instead of leaping out of bed with delight on Dec. 25, they shuffle downstairs at nearly noon, grumpy and smelly and griping about something or other.
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I'm sure it's not a light-bulb moment for most of you when I say Christmas is a difficult time for a great many people. When you have that much pressure put on you by society in general to be happy, to shop till you drop, to decorate your house, to bake everyone's favourite goodies, etc., it's hard not to feel overwhelmed. Unless you've got the focus of a raptor at a mouse convention, it's impossible to shut out all the hoopla surrounding the holidays.
For those of us suffering with depression on the daily, Christmas is just one more obstacle to navigate. It's the darkest time of year, both literally and figuratively. Days are incredibly short, leaving all of us waking up and going to work or school in the dark and returning the same way. Memories of relatives who've passed, emotional reunions with visiting relatives, anxiety over how to afford the production that is the Christmas season: put all of these together, and you're just one candy cane short of a nervous breakdown.
How to cope with this "most wonderful time of the year" without Scrooging up? The following are some tips to get you through:
- Focus on others. So you hate the holidays? Fine. Take the opportunity to help out at a soup kitchen or homeless shelter. Nothing like a little perspective and hard work to keep you grounded. Plus, you won't mind missing out on Christmas, unlike Mrs. Claus next door with the perfectly decorated house and 27 varieties of homemade Christmas cookies. (Although I'm convinced she probably wouldn't mind a break, either.) Or how about shovelling an elderly neighbour's driveway? It's a great way to get your mind off yourself, plus it accomplishes something useful.
- Get off your duff. As cold and snowy as it may be, it's helpful to get some endorphins flowing, and the best way to do that is to get moving. You don't need to run a marathon, but a brisk walk couldn't hurt. Feeling adventurous? Try making some snow angels. On your neighbour's lawn.
- Start a new tradition. Who says you have to do what everyone else does? If you can afford it, why not go away over the Christmas holidays? Don't tell me that sitting with your toes in the sand and a cold drink in your hand wouldn't help to take a little of the gloom away. Offer to house-sit for a friend who's going out of town, just for a change of scene.
- Be honest. This doesn't mean that you have to rant to every one of your friends and family about how you detest the whole observance. Ahem. What you can do is tell your close friends and family how you are feeling about Christmas, and that you are struggling with the season. It won't change that it's Christmas, but it might ease your mind if you don't have to put up a front of being the happiest elf on the shelf.
For all of you reading this who have never dreaded December and the attendant hoopla, I envy you. I have a vague memory of being truly happy at Christmastime, and it was amazing. You're riding high on a month of good moods and hot chocolate and Burl Ives singing Holly, Jolly Christmas. If you're still part of this group, I'd ask you just one favour: pay attention.
Think of it this way: you wouldn't ask the weakest swimmers on the beach to be lifeguards to the rest, would you? So it's probably best if you Christmas champs be the ones to keep an eye out for those who are struggling. Invite them over, lend an ear or a shoulder to cry on. Be supportive. Acknowledge the fact that they are struggling. Be the light that pushes back the darkness, if only a little.
Now that's a Christmas gift.
If you suspect you are in crisis, or you know someone who is, contact the Mood Disorders Association of Manitoba at 204-786-0987 or toll-free 1-800-263-1460, or go to its website.
You can also contact the Klinic Crisis Line at 204-786-8686 or the Manitoba Suicide Prevention and Support Line toll-free at 1-877-435-7170. Both operate 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
Jo Davies is a Winnipeg writer.