How giving smiles and compliments to others can improve your own well-being

As Ontario continues to reopen, our connection to the outside world is growing. 

We're interacting more with people in the workplace and we're even smiling at strangers again. Scientific research tells us that smiling and complimenting others can significantly improve our well-being and new studies show facial expressions can play a role in our mental health. 

And yet, for the last few months, people have been avoiding one another at all costs. We've been playing a game of PacMan — someone is coming in our direction in the cereal aisle and we're fleeing the other way. A future of eyes down and muffled apologies isn't sustainable. It's time to reclaim the parts that make us human. 

We need our community to be connected so we're there for each other when needed. Part of the reason why we've managed to battle the pandemic was an "all-in-this-together" mentality. A smile or a kind word shows we're reaching out.

To continue in a positive direction, it may require being intentional but it's time to stop living in fear of each other. 

You can smile behind a mask

Fortunately, we're lucky that a lot of information shows up in the eyes and the eyebrows.

Psychologist Paul Ekman, who studies facial expressions, described a "true enjoyment smile" as showing up in the crow's feet or laugh lines area of the face, with the eyes narrowing and crinkling. This is called a Duchenne smile because it engages the muscles around the eye; a fake smile does not. So, even if we're wearing a mask, we can tell when someone is authentically smiling at us. 

And smiling is good for us. A study, published in the journal Psychological Bulletin, American psychologists analyzed nearly 50 years of data from more than 100 studies that each tried to determine whether facial expressions can affect people's moods. The studies, which included more than 11,000 people worldwide, concluded that smiling does makes people feel happier, while scowling makes them feel angrier, and frowning makes them feel sadder.

Science has shown that the mere act of smiling can lift your mood, lower stress, boost your immune system and possibly even prolong your life. Researchers at the University of Kansas published findings that smiling helps reduce the body's response to stress and lower heart rate in tense situations; another study linked smiling to lower blood pressure, while yet another suggests that smiling leads to longevity.

Dr. Isha Gupta, a neurologist from IGEA Brain and Spine explains, a smile spurs a chemical reaction in the brain, releasing certain hormones including dopamine and serotonin.

"Dopamine increases our feelings of happiness. Serotonin release is associated with reduced stress. Low levels of serotonin are associated with depression and aggression," Gupta told NBC News in 2018. "Low levels of dopamine are also associated with depression." 

We can even trick our brain into believing we're happy which can then spur actual feelings of happiness. It puts some science behind the idiom "fake it until you make it." Even forcing a fake smile can legitimately reduce stress and lower your heart rate.

And although this isn't an endorsement, a fascinating study performed by a group at the University of Cardiff in Wales did find that people who could not frown due to Botox injections were happier on average than those who could frown.

The power of kind words

Even it makes us feel a bit awkward to receive a compliment, they do inevitably make us feel good. Scientists have found that being paid a compliment actually lights up the same parts of your brain that get activated when you get paid a monetary award.

Other research (from the same group of researchers) suggests compliments and praise may help us when it comes to learning new motor skills and behaviours. This occurs because feeling valued and appreciated are basic human needs. Appreciation is also foundational in relationships.

Researchers claim that it's part of what makes us want to cooperate and collaborate with those around us and knowing that you're appreciated helps you want to work through and overcome challenges. 

And, giving a compliment develops cognitive gratitude and psychological fitness. Being in the habit of giving compliments helps us notice and appreciate what's good and what we like in those around us. This daily practice tricks our brain into focusing more on the positive which in turn create a more overall optimistic, happier outlook. 

Behaviours that get rewarded are likely to be repeated so when you give someone a compliment, they are more likely to pass on the goodwill. This creates a positive contagion in our communities and beyond. 

When good compliments go bad

There are situations where compliments go awry. They can be a minefield in some situations because of the way they've been expressed in the past.

The key here is to gauge your receiver and most importantly, be sincere. Don't tell someone you love their shoes if you think they're awful. Everybody has qualities that deserve complimenting, it's important to pay attention to the details. Notice what you like or appreciate about the person. 

To compliment someone in your workplace or a someone you know, be specific. Hearing that someone thinks you're smart or kind is nice to hear, but those compliments apply to a lot of people. Calling out something specific shows the other person you're interested and paying attention. Perhaps it's letting a coworker know that they ran a good meeting or sharing with a friend that the volunteer work they're involved in is meaningful and you appreciate them for it. 

Also, we need to learn how to graciously accept compliments because it's just as important as learning how to give them, according to Marcia Naomi Berger, a licensed clinical social worker and psychotherapist. She says denying a compliment is another way of telling someone that they're wrong or that their opinion or perspective is wrong. 

When in doubt, a simple "thank you" works.

Still feeling fearful?

Remember, there is no right way to feel. Fear and uncertainty remain valid emotions and I know just trying to get back into the rhythm of our patterns is challenging.

But we need to make a small effort because the way we've been living is unsustainable. We have been worn out for way too long. 

It's time to kickstart our well-being. Smiling or being generous with our words can make that happen. The best part is that it's easier than we think.

Start small, with a wave at a neighbour and smiles at people in the grocery store. Then move up to telling a coworker that you thought their presentation was insightful, or let a stranger know she's rocking some cool shoes. 

We can't expect anyone coming out of all of this stress to suddenly feel immediately better — it's going to take time. But we can help each other out in these small, simple and yet powerful ways.

We need to practice lifting people up, spreading a "positivity contagion" which we could all use a good dose of right now.