Why you may feel nervous about a return to normal: Jennifer Moss

Although we are still very much in the control of the pandemic, many of us are sensing that an end is in sight.

That gives us hope. But a recent survey found that despite the excitement for a return to normal, people are also feeling concerned about what "normal" will look like. 

Even when it's hopeful, science tells us that the human brain doesn't really like change. It's why we attempt to normalize change as quickly as possible to stop the anxiety and fear. The pandemic forced us to adapt – whether we wanted to or not. 

So, here we are. And we can't really go back. We're different. The question now becomes: In our future, post-pandemic world, what parts of our life today do we want to take with us and what must be left behind? 

Change is hard

In general, most people fear change because it means that outcomes are unknown. Our brains are designed to find peace in knowing. When we don't know what will happen, we make up scenarios and, in turn, create worry.

According to Scott Mautz, adjunct professor at Indiana University: "Neuroscience research teaches us that uncertainty registers in our brain much like an error does. It needs to be corrected before we can feel comfortable again, so we'd rather not have that hanging out there if we can avoid it."

Ironically, this entire year has been about dealing with those "error codes" by calming that anxiety with new behaviours. After this long, we've gotten used to these news ways and for many of us, we don't want to change them back. 

One survey captured qualitative feedback about how people were feeling about going back to "normal" and it was fascinating to see how many people expressed their fears about post-COVID life. Some of those anxieties included: 

• Returning to the office. Some respondents learned that working from home was more productive than they'd expected, and/or they didn't want to start commuting again. Some described feeling unsafe about being back at the office. 
• Feeling FOMO. Respondents shared how they used to feel pressure to be seen and out all the time with their friends. They liked that there wasn't any pressure this year to be out – but when everything is open again that the pressure will return
• Going back to the cult of "busy." Parents described how their lives pre-COVID were overwhelmingly busy. They fear the return of missing family dinners, dividing and conquering, and never seeing each other anymore. 
• Disconnected marriages. Some respondents mentioned how nice it was that their spouse wasn't traveling as much and the job wasn't pulling them away from each other. In the future that could change and go back to being split apart. 

As a parent, I can relate to that fear of going back full throttle to a life of dividing and conquering. This year has been informative. By challenging existing priorities many of us have come to realize what really matters. 

Going forward with good habits

We obviously didn't want to go through this last year, but we did and as I mentioned earlier, we can't go back. That means there is going to be a massive shift in expectations from our family relationships, our workplaces, our friendships – society at large.

We were massively pushed out of our comfort zone and that was extremely challenging, but it was also very healthy for us. Some of us realized that what we were doing before wasn't actually making us happy. Now that we have a new perspective, it will be important to choose how we want to proceed into this next phase. 

Although the pandemic helped us to form some good habits, we also developed some bad habits. So, how do we know what to hold onto and what to let go? 

I've been advocating that we need to get back to being human again and if we swing the pendulum too far then we can get stuck – just in a different way. For example, the counterpoints to the arguments above are important to consider: 

• Kids not returning to activities means a potential increase in sedentary and unhealthy youth. 
• People never returning to the office in any capacity means that isolation and loneliness may increase. 
• Not engaging with friends in real life could mean further disconnection, which was a major source of depression during the pandemic. It's also a real threat to our mental health and predicts burnout at work. 
• Spouses not getting time away from each other could mean family burnout – something we've witnessed this year in our data and in divorce rates at an all-time high. 
• Being afraid to return to normal might mean that we continue to be increasingly afraid of people in our community – our neighbours. And that need to belong to a tribe is a necessary part of our survival – we can't allow that to happen. 

It really just means rebalancing our priorities and making sure we're not just replacing our old bad habits with new bad habits. 

Don't waste a crisis

We have to reframe this last year as an opportunity for change. It gave us perspective that we would have never experienced otherwise — so how do we make sure we don't waste a crisis? 

A big part of that will be to assess what we really want in our lives. 

Do you want to be able to work from home, but your company expects you to return to work? Perhaps you can have a discussion with your manager about a hybrid approach to working in the post-pandemic world. List out the rationale and share it with your leadership team. You may be surprised by the response. 

Do you want to end FOMO but still maintain healthy friendships? This requires figuring out a balance. Nurture friendships where priorities are aligned. Decide ahead of time — this year, what is going out too much and what is staying in too much? How can I ensure that I don't just slowly shift away from matters to me? Stick to your priorities. Make sure you've come up with clear boundaries and don't slowly chip away at those boundaries until they're gone. That's how we fall back into old patterns. 

Do you want to maintain and promote healthy family down time? Figure out which activities for our kids are a priority and which aren't — don't go back to just busy for busy's sake. Kids don't need to be committed at all times — studies show that kids need unstructured play and downtime for increased well-being. 

Do you want to have more time with your spouse? Have hard conversations with your partner about how you both want to move forward post-pandemic and discuss the expectations long before travel just switches on and time away from each other is commonplace. 

The pandemic forced us to change — in some cases it was a healthy shift, in other circumstances it wasn't. But we have more power than we realize to choose what the future of "normal" looks like. Continue to prioritize what really matters to you. Write it down, frame it and hang it on the wall, whatever you do just make sure you stick to your plan because this year we faced our mortality and how precious life really is.  

We were given a rare chance at a reset — and that isn't something we should waste.