5 parenting tips for managing holiday excitement

On the family calendar, few events loom as large as Christmas. We all know the picture-perfect ideal: Twinkling tree, delighted children, happy family.

But for many stressed-out families, reality is often far, far away from perfect.

While you are dreaming of twinkling trees and delighted children, your kids likely have one thing on their mind: toys.

As we all count down to Santa's arrival, here are a few ways parents can help manage their children's expectations, and pave the way for a happier holiday for everyone.

1. Have 'The Talk'

Explain to younger children that Santa doesn't bring everything they want. A wish list is just that -- wishes. Focus on the giving, as well as the receiving. If your children are old enough, have them make gifts for the people on their list. Show them that a great gift doesn't have to be expensive.

If things are tight financially, talk to older kids about what you can or can't afford. Explain that you don't have quite as much money to go round this year, so you're all scaling back a little. (Some kids might be feeling pressure of buying gifts too -- having this conversation now lets them know that gifts aren't the focus.)

Focus on one thing you'd like to get from the day as a family -- a great family dinner, some fun in the snow -- and then work together to make sure you have a focal point that doesn't involve wrapping paper.

2. Set parameters– and stick to them

Maybe limit the amount you'll spend, or the number of gifts for each person. Tell your kids about those new parameters now, so they can start adjusting their expectations accordingly.

Then stick to the plan!! You undo it all if you set realistic expectations, then blow the budget and buy everything on the list. Your kids won't believe you next year when you try to hit reset.

Also, don't feel obliged to spend exactly the same amount on each child -- ballpark figures are fine. It all works out in the wash over the years.

3. Combine the best of blended families

Blended families have two sets of traditions, and different approaches to gift-giving, to consider. The adults should sit down beforehand and work out a united approach. Does one partner go all out, but the other only buys one gift? Find a middle ground -- and stick to it.

Then go to your children and explain the new parameters. Some kids may find it unfair, and might complain if their "gift tally" drops. Stick to your guns -- talk about how Christmas isn't just about gifts, it's about family, and now you have another family's traditions to consider.

If you can, bring one tradition from each of the former families, then introduce a new tradition of your very own.

4. Cut your kids some slack

Children aren't adults. They won't get excited about the same things you do. Your kids have high expectations of one thing -- presents. You have high expectations for everything else. The tension comes from the gap between the two.

It's up to you, though, to be the adult about this. If you're disappointed in their reactions, or disappointed by what they gave you, do your best to hide your disappointment. Show them that the day is about more than gifts. Set a good example now, and hopefully they'll grow out of it.

5. Cut yourself some slack, too

Know from the outset that something will not go according to plan. Be okay with that in advance. Don't pressure yourself to make a 'perfect' day, and relax the rules. Having a day with happy, fun parents is the best gift of all.