'Do something': Mom pleads for better crisis services after teen daughter tried to end her life

The mother of a 13-year-old girl who tried to take her own life last November says more social support is needed for parents with children in crisis.

McMaster Children's Hospital reports a steady increase of youth in crisis since the COVID-19 pandemic began. The number of youth admitted for medical support after a suicide attempt has tripled over a four-month period, compared to last year, the hospital said, urging those who need help to "talk to your family doctor."

But the teen's mother, whom CBC News has agreed not to name to protect the identity of the teenager, said the advice being given to families with children in crisis isn't enough.

"I think it falls short of what the reality is in our communities," she said.

"We were told the same things. To prevent it progressing to a suicide, we should seek counselling, have her seen by the physician and all that. That's great advice, but all those things take time because there's such long wait lists. 

"It's one thing to manage it for a couple of weeks on your own as a parent, but it's very different when they're suddenly looking at months," she said. "We have four children. We can't keep our eyes on her 24 hours a day because we have to eat and pee sometimes too."

The night her daughter took a near-toxic dose of Ibuprofen, the woman said, the paramedics refused to take her to McMaster Children's Hospital, where she had a planned consultation.

The girl was taken to "the nearest hospital," which contemplated sending her home that same night after they treated her. 

She was only admitted on the insistence of her mother, who is a nurse.

"As a parent, how do you take your child home after that and feel comfortable at all when we had done all the things?" she said.

"We had contacted our family physician … We had the school involved, her teacher knew, the principal knew, the youth worker knew."

Mom says she did everything she could

The woman said she took her daughter to a private counsellor and was referred to her local children's mental-health agency.

"That referral was made near the end of September, but our discovery meeting in which we talk about what's going on wasn't until the beginning of November. And then treatment from there wasn't going to be until December," she said.

"We did all the things that we were supposed to do, then she had this attempt and we're supposed to bring her home, and you [have to ask yourself], 'What more can I do though? How do I keep my child safe when I'm doing everything that I humanly can and ensure that she's going to be OK when there's no support?'" 

McMaster Children's Hospital team members were not available for an interview.

 "We have numerous free educational caregiver groups that are offered through our program that any parent can attend," the hospital said in an email to CBC News.

"In addition, once youth are connected to our service, they receive an assessment, which may provide recommendations for parents to attend parent/caregiver only or multi-family evidence-based groups (ie. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Dialectical Behavioural Therapy)."

Families need more than advice

The mom said while it's great to receive advice, families with a child or young person in crisis need more than that.

"It really puts an unnecessary burden on parents to kind of take on the role of a psychologist for your own children," she said. 

"If it's physical, I can do that with my kids. But my husband and I don't have training in mental health. Everything we've learned, we've had to find on our own. It's great that they advise people to do these things, but at the same time, there are not enough services to accommodate that. 

"If you fall into that middle ground of either, they don't deem you to be enough at risk or you're not part of a marginalized population, then you have to wait, and I get that, I do understand that, but it's hard to ask your 13-year-old to wait when she's struggling," she said.

Move beyond talk, says mom 

The teen's mother welcomed the recognition being given to mental health, with the topic "being popular on TV shows and in the media," adding that this helps to destigmatize it.

But she said the time has come to move beyond all the talk into more action.

"I'm of the opinion where I'm done talking about it. Let's do something. Let's get funding so that these children can get services so there's not six-month long or year-long wait lists because they can't last that long unsupported," she said. 

"Let's have better crisis services. They're quick to give you the crisis line, but when you call that, they're just like, 'Oh, well, do all the things, keep sharps away, lock your meds up. It's all the things that they're telling you already and so it's not really any support."

'Important things to say'

Katherine Kalinowski, chief operating officer at Hamilton's Good Shepherd Centres, said "these are very exceptional circumstances," adding that disruptions in school routines, social isolation and family conflict are all exacerbated because of the pandemic.

"They're also being impacted by poverty, precarious housing, family conflict, experiences of oppression that inform and complicate their experiences of mental-health issue — so racism, homophobia, transphobia, those kinds of things are all relevant in the experience of mental health crisis in the youth that we're serving," Kalinowski told CBC News.

"It's kind of a perfect storm in terms of youth who are facing lots of barriers and challenges in their lives, and then laying the blanket of COVID over that is incredibly challenging."

"I certainly think that it's absolutely essential that when a member of a family, and particularly a child or youth is having a mental crisis, that the support be there for that child or youth, but also to the caregivers, the family members, the community of people who surround them," added Kalinowski.

"Where parents are involved and available, we certainly want to include them if that's safe and appropriate … having a support network, both for the person experiencing a crisis and for the people who live with them, who care about them, who love them is tremendously important. Where that's possible I think it absolutely has to exist."

Kalinowski also said families with a young person in crisis need to be heard.

"This mother who's speaking out has important things to say, and it's absolutely essential that we acknowledge and validate that young people do have many stressors and often experience very significant mental health crises," she told CBC News.

"They need support, but so do the people around them, so I think it's an incredibly important conversation to be having in our community right now, especially when the way that supports are available, our systems have been so impacted, and we need to make sure that we're available and responsive to people who need it."

If you need help, talk to your family doctor.

In the Hamilton area, visit hamilton.ca/CYmentalhealth for resources or call Hamilton at 905-570-8888. You can also call Kids Help Phone at 1-800-668-6868 or the Canada Suicide Prevention Service: 1-833-456-4566.