Hamilton's weirdest crime stories of 2018
From drunken buffoonery to stolen porn, here are some of the strangest things that happened in Hamilton
It's time for one of our favourite year end traditions — marvelling at some of the strange calls police were sent to in the Hamilton area over the last year.
In the spirit of looking back on the year that was, we've compiled a list of some of the weirdest crime stories of 2018. From inebriated seniors getting Tasered to the search for stolen porn, here are some head scratching things that happened around Hamilton.
Man calls 911 over cold burger and fries from McDonald's
Look, none of us like a cold burger, but shoddy service isn't criminal.
Back in July, an "irate" customer called police at a Hamilton McDonalds because he had received a cold meal through Uber Eats.
The man was reminded the 911 system is meant for life and death emergencies — and this wasn't one of them.
Drunk senior attacks car with hammer, challenges cops to fight, gets Tasered
A road rage incident from October ended with a Port Colborne senior facing multiple charges after police say he drove drunk, sideswiped a car, tried to bash out a vehicle's windshield with a hammer, challenged police officers to a fight, and finally, was Tasered.
Police say the incident centred on a man who rammed a woman's car off the road in rural Wainfleet, Ont.
In the end, he ended up with six charges, including uttering death threats and assault with a weapon.
Human bones from the 1800s stolen out of car in Westdale
Break and enters involving cars aren't uncommon — but they usually don't involve pieces of an archeological dig.
The car in question was parked in the Westdale area back at the end of October. The person who broke in allegedly stole a white cardboard banker's box that was in the trunk.
Inside the box were two sets of lower leg bones that archeologists dug up at a construction site at a church in North York.
Luckily, the bones were found about a week later, in an abandoned vehicle with stolen plates.
Drunk man tries to make getaway in cab while sitting on driver
In general, stealing a cab is probably a poor choice. Trying to make your getaway in said cab sitting on top of the driver while police are watching is an incredibly poor choice.
This one happened back in May on the Mountain. Police allege an "assaultive male" was causing a disturbance and then took off in a cab. Officers pulled the cab over a short distance away, and that's when things really went sideways.
Police say when they approached the cab, the man jumped from the back seat to the front passenger seat, while making threats against the officers.
The man then proceeded to jump onto the cab driver and try to steal the car, investigators say.
He was quickly arrested.
Police called after a Norfolk man barks and howls outside his neighbour's window
It's one thing for police to respond to a complaint of an annoying, barking dog.
It's quite another thing for police to respond to a report of an annoying man, who is barking like a dog.
Police say the man stood outside his neighbour's window at 2 a.m. on a Saturday morning in October and just would not stop barking.
Officers spoke to both men and were able to "mediate a resolution," police say.
Someone in Hamilton stole a statue of the Virgin Mary
If you're looking for a way to stay on the almighty's good side, this probably isn't it.
Someone stole a statue of the Virgin Mary from a local Catholic school on the Mountain back in August.
Police say they believe whoever did it hopped a fence and ran off with the $400 statue.
Man breaks into sushi restaurant 5 times in 24 hours to steal booze
There's returning to the scene of the crime, and then there's this.
Hamilton police say a local sushi restaurant was burglarized five times in just one day back in May, with the same man breaking in to steal booze each time.
After reviewing the security camera tapes, police were able to pick the man up nearby.
'Large quantity' of porn stolen during break in
Do we really even need to say anything on this one?
Police say that back in February, someone broke in and stole a "large quantity of pornographic materials," Xbox games, hats, and tools from a house in Norfolk County.
"It's the first time in my career I've ever seen a large quantity of pornographic materials reported stolen," said Const. Ed Sanchuk at the time.
"If someone is in possession of a large quantity of pornographic materials that they didn't possess in the past, we encourage them to contact police," Sanchuk said.