Niagara woman, waiting 16 months for sister's funeral, says it's time to ease border rules

For some people, the beginning of the pandemic was so much more than safety measures and stay-at-home orders.

For Niagara resident and American citizen Kathy Wilson, it meant not being able to have a funeral for her sister, who died on March 16, 2020. 

"I'm trapped over here and you don't have any kind of closure on it," she said. "It's almost like you forget they're dead for a minute."

Wilson is one of many people who have been waiting to cross the border for memorial services and other heartfelt family events. Even though border restrictions are beginning to allow for more travellers, she still can't go have a funeral and grieve with her family.

Wilson has lived in Canada as a permanent resident since 1980, with most of her family living a short distance away in Niagara Falls, NY.

"I talked to her son and I said, 'I feel like she's not even gone and she's just there,'" she said.

"You can kind of make it like in your mind she's still just there. Why am I not talking to her for a year and a half? I don't know, it's hard to think that you forgot about the fact that she passed away, but there's no proof that she did. There's no finality to it."

Wilson said when she last saw her sister in the hospital, she seemed to be doing well. "She made us leave because she said, 'Yeah, I'm feeling better. I'm tired. OK, everybody, get out.' We were joking about it and that was the last time I saw her."

Then shortly after her sister's death, with rising cases of COVID-19, Canada announced an agreement with the U.S. to restrict non-essential travel across the border. The following days and months saw more government restrictions and public health recommendations to limit the spread of the coronavirus.

Hard to heal

This included limits on how many people could even attend a funeral in the spring and summer of 2020.

Since then, there are signs of border restrictions loosening, but not all the way. On Aug. 9, Canada plans to allow entry to American citizens currently residing in the U.S. They must be fully vaccinated for at least 14 days before crossing the border and will require a pre-entry COVID-19 test. If numbers continue to decline, Canada will reopen its borders to fully vaccinated travellers on Sept. 7.

The U.S., meanwhile, hasn't announced any changes yet. 

Wilson says not having a funeral or seeing family makes it hard to heal.

"You can't move on from anything," she said. 

Uncertain closure

"The funeral was planned and then COVID just happened so fast. Once she passed away, they announced they were closing the border, two days before the funeral."

"Then, it ends up the funeral home said only 10 people could come and what's 10 people at a funeral? That's (my sister's) two sons, their children and we're done. So we cancelled everything."

Wilson said the funeral is on hold until all of them can come together, and "I'm the only one they are waiting for."

At this point, Wilson said she's not sure what closure a funeral will bring after waiting 16 months. But it will be difficult.

"Part of me is dreading it," Wilson said. "It's weird to be in a panic, that I've got to get this vaccine and I've got to get this border open and I've got to get there, and not really wanting to go either."

'What if I can't get back home?'

"I think all along, I could have walked across the border and said, 'Hey I'm a citizen, let me in,' and they would say, 'Sure, come on in.' But what if I can't get back home?"

Wilson cares for her husband with multiple sclerosis and works full time, so to visit her family in the U.S. and then be required to quarantine for 14 days is not an option for her.

When she does visit, she'll pay tribute to her sister in a unique way — a place where they laughed and talked.

"As stupid as it sounds, I need to go to the casino, go to the States and go to the casino, because that's where I went with my sister," she said.

"She and I spent all our time at the casinos, that was our thing."