I was a stranger in Calgary, trapped in a bubble. Then I discovered the magic of a downtown library

This is a First Person column by Wole Olayinka, who lives in Calgary. For more information about CBC's First Person stories, please see the FAQ.

"It feels like we are in a bubble," my partner Sandra said flatly, sitting on our two-seater couch while I perched on the back of the sofa.

The house still smelled sweetly of dinner: mackerel stew and rice. I pointed the remote at the TV, surfing for a movie, our usual after-dinner practice.

Sandra turned to look at me, her eyebrows raised. I knew what she was talking about. I felt a twinge of guilt and a longing — a longing to really belong.

Sandra and I had moved to Calgary two months before from Nigeria. It was 2022. We were almost a year married and looking to start a family. I was working remotely for a U.S.-based communications agency while she led research at a data protection firm. Despite having to leave behind family and friends, I was eager to migrate, excited about the sense of family security that better access to quality health care, education and social services would bring.

Sandra had been reluctant.

Now we were here. Even when we braved the cold to get out of the apartment, it felt like we lived in a silo. As if it was just the two of us, with the other people in our world being the characters we watched on the TV.

But some problems don't have an obvious solution. So you just muddle through.

A few days later, I must have been pondering the issue on my way out of a Staples store. On a whim, I Googled the Central Library address and gave that — instead of my home address — to the Uber driver.

Rising four storeys high and taking up an entire city block in Calgary's downtown East Village, it loomed over me against the skyline. But the wooden arch over the main entrance, curving over the traffic of people moving in and out, was warm and welcoming. I got out of the car and craned my neck to admire the futuristic hexagonal patterns on the sleek outer walls.

As I walked up to the help desk, the space felt alive, bustling with activities and brimming with people from all walks of life. It surprised me. I had expected a muted atmosphere, with a few people engaged in quiet, solitary pursuits.

Very quickly I became a regular, visiting once or sometimes three times a week. I came for an escape from the drudgery of working from home, for the bright and open spaces, the free Wi-Fi, the comfortable seating and the momentary distractions. But I got more than that.

I said hi to a Nigerian after I heard him speak Yoruba and he regaled me with crazy stories of Stampede festivities. Local history I got from a senior who I helped with the printer. I told him Edmonton was the only other Canadian city I had visited, and he told me about a train service that ran between Edmonton and Calgary until the 1980s. I even discussed the finer points of human purpose with a researcher, a conversation sparked when our eyes met as she passed by in search of interview subjects.

I loved the huge diversity of people all coming to access this free space for different reasons. And I am no longer anonymous. Now when I nod to the security officer who sometimes stands by the door, I see recognition in his eyes. I'm part of something. 

Plus, I made real friends. I can't remember why I first spoke to Tolu, but he was a regular like me and an avid cyclist. When he found out I wanted to buy a bike, he guided me through the whole process, teaching me about fenders, quick-release tires and bike locks. He even gifted me a seat cover.

I still talk about that bubble feeling with Sandra. Though she has been at the library a few times, she's working her way out of the bubble by connecting with people at the office where she now works and by getting involved at her church. 

Several months after I started working regularly out of the library, I ran across a concept called "the third place." It's a term coined by sociologist Ray Oldenburg to describe a social setting that is not your home (first place) or your work (second place). The third place is critical for relaxing, socializing and finding that sense of belonging.

That's what the library did for me.

When I came to Canada, it was my first time leaving Nigeria. Since then, I've travelled to the United States, and then to London, England. Now I want to explore the world. 

But through the library, I've also learned how to make a place feel like home. This is home. Now I'm part of a microcosm of Calgary. I belong.

Telling your story

As part of our ongoing partnership with the Calgary Public Library, CBC Calgary is running in-person writing workshops to support community members telling their own stories. Read more from this workshop, held at the Seton Library in south Calgary.

Check out our workshops and sign up for the waiting list.