Facing culture shock at 75-plus: New multicultural coach aims to help families with immigrating grandparents

Every year, thousands of recent immigrant families use the super visa and permanent residency programs to sponsor grandparents.

But forging a path in a foreign culture during that last stage of life can be tough.

Nepali grandparents Ram and Bimala Sharan Aryal saw it. They're in their 80s and say Canada is a beautiful and well-regulated country with fantastic health care. But the isolation was too much. 

After three years, they packed their bags and moved back to Nepal. Bimala says that's where she wants to be when she dies.

"Everything is easier in Canada," said Ram, in an interview arranged with help from his daughter in Calgary. "In Nepal, it's a little bit difficult. (But) mentally we are happy and quiet here. My friends and my religion is here, so we are connected to our culture."

Prior to the pandemic, Canadian immigration officials say an average of 4,100 seniors 75 and older moved here each year under those two programs, along with 23,000 seniors between the ages of 60 and 74.

Many of them are joining families who recently immigrated themselves.

Shobha Joshi is Ram and Bimala's daughter. She says they struggled to even get out to a grocery store because they didn't drive. Then her mother had surgery for cancer, and she wasn't comfortable letting home care help with her recovery since she doesn't speak English.

"(Also), she didn't want to show other people what she's feeling," said Joshi. "My dad was the one who was taking care of everything. I could see that caregiver burnout in my dad."

Now she and her children miss them. She worries about her father having to find oxygen for her mom to manage her COPD, and calls every evening. But they seem happy back home. 

Plus, she has a new project. Joshi was recently hired as the first multicultural caregiver coach for the provincewide non-profit Caregivers Alberta, where she's hoping to help other families undertaking the same challenge.

New help for immigrant caregivers

"Anyone who needs our support, they are always welcome to connect," she said. "I'm really passionate about it because I'm also a new immigrant to Canada. I was having a lot of challenges in the initial phase, and I would like to help others who are new to this country."

The provincially-funded organization offers free one-on-one coaching as well as workshops on how to navigate Alberta's home-care system and other challenges. They help the nearly one million adult children and spouses in Alberta who are caring for frail and aging loved ones.

Karen Cuthbertson, a manager with Caregivers Alberta, said the position of multicultural coach was created because certain ethnic communities face barriers to finding resources and assistance. People can be uncomfortable talking about the challenges happening with family.

She says new immigrants may find Canadian culture is individualistic.

"That sense of community that a lot of other cultures have — that extended family and community that's there to support each other — that's something in our Western cultures that we don't have as much. When someone comes to Canada, they lose that."

"Shobha is great, with anybody who reaches out, about understanding the best she can that they're an immigrant, that it's a different culture they're dealing with, and just connecting them with other resources. Really, a lot of the job is just letting them know that they're not alone."

Unlikely to learn English

At the Centre for Newcomers, vice-president Kelly Ernst says the organization is also trying to keep a close eye on this population, immigrants who move to Canada in their late years. He says there's an expectation that immigrants will learn English, but realistically, many of these older adults never will.

In some cases, they've been brought to Canada to help with child care, but their role changes when the children grow. When hard times come, families can struggle to support them, which can force the senior to find paid work without being able to speak English.

"We just see it too often," he said. "Caregiver support programs in Alberta are terrible, and when it comes to the people we're working with, are (almost) non-existent."

The centre has an outreach team and various programs targeted to social, transportation and language help for seniors.

Giving care

The CBC team in Alberta is focusing this month on family caregivers — the husbands, wives, children and others who take on care of loved ones. Follow the news and personal stories at cbc.ca/familycare.