5 tips to keep your relationship alive over the holidays

Mistletoe, family dinners, the dreaded to-gift-or-not-gift debate — the holidays can be littered with landmines for those in the early stages of a new relationship or even in already established ones.

Fear not! Homestretch relationship columnist Trina Read has some tips for making your holiday experience the most wonderful time of the year.

"Christmas is the straw that can break the back of many marriages that are just teetering," said Read. 

"Apparently on Jan. 2, divorce attorneys and marriage counsellors are swamped with new business."

Watch the 'Christmas hormones'

According to scientists in the Journal of Neuroendocrinology, the season's hectic schedule and indulgent eating patterns can wreak havoc on hormones, causing normally sane people to lose it.

It's called "Christmas hormones" and involves a potent mix of cortisol (otherwise known as the stress hormone), serotonin and dopamine.

While Christmas itself often involves high levels of serotonin, or the happiness hormone, the build-up often involves high levels of stress.

"These 'Christmas hormones' drive some irrational action and thought, and bring out the best — and unfortunately, the worst — in us," Read says. 

Take time to breathe

Everyone is busy but during the holidays, the hectic schedules can get even more intense.

Picking your priorities and focusing on time management can help reduce stress levels and the number of blow-ups between partners.

Learn to say 'no'

Turning down some invites and parties will help keep your schedule — and stress levels — from taking over during the holidays. 

Agree on a budget

Talking about money can be one of the trickiest parts of a relationship, especially around the holidays. Decorating, spending and baking can be highly personal and nostalgic activities, and views can be highly variable when it comes to how much is justified in getting ready for the big day.

"It really starts with understanding what your money values are around the holidays," said Read.

"Do you believe in one gift per person or do you prefer to shower gifts on everybody? And then, come to a happy medium."

Read recommends setting a budget for that happy medium — for example, if you agree on three gifts per person, what is the budget for those gifts?

Dealing with the in-laws

Deciding where to spend the holidays can be a political minefield.

"It isn't the holidays until there's family drama," Read says. 

She recommends keeping in mind that spending time with each others' parents is part of the commitment couples make to each other. To navigate this, decide early on holiday plans to give families fair notice and remember that your behaviour will play a key role in how your partner gets along with your family.

Read says it's important to never belittle your partner in front of family and likewise to stand up for your partner if your family attacks him or her. Above all, she says short visits are the best visits because they keep people from becoming overwhelmed and emotional.