Proceed with caution, say these seniors who had younger roommates

Some seniors who opened their homes up to younger roommates are sharing their stories as a cautionary tale for others who might want to do the same.

Roomies, a radio series airing this week on CBC British Columbia morning shows, explores the benefits and drawbacks of intergenerational living. Cory Susser, 71, and Arlene Miller, 73, have both rented rooms to strangers younger than themselves.

Only one will consider doing it again.

Susser, a Vancouver resident, was used to a full house. She grew up in a family with 10 siblings before moving to California with her husband and raising a family of her own. After her husband's death, she returned to Vancouver, only to find the city had become too expensive for her. 

"I resented the fact that I couldn't afford to live in my own city, a city where I was born and raised,' said Susser, "but staying in that place of resentment isn't particularly healthy or useful."

So, Susser took out an ad looking for people to help fill a four bedroom house on the city's west side. For three years, she lived with a rotating cast of roommates, some of them 50 years her junior. They helped pay the bills. Sometimes.

"The straw that broke the camel's back was the last period toward the end of the lease," said Susser. That was when, Susser said, she was stuck paying the full rent for three months after people moved out without giving her proper notice.

Now, Susser lives in an apartment solo for the first time in her life.

Miller's experience with a younger roommate was dissatisfying for her as well.

The Kelowna resident lived in a house on a half acre of property and she rented a room to a young male student.

"He told me he was all about education," said Miller, who explained to her new tenant that it was "not a house where you have female company every night" and said that agreement was ignored.

She also felt like she was doing all the chores on the property.

"Basically I was the maid, as well as working full time," said Miller.

Miller decided to pull the pin on that place and move in with her stepdaughter. She said she is unlikely to live with a stranger again.

Susser on the other hand, is still open to the idea.

'I have more than my share and I should be sharing this," she said about her two-bedroom apartment. But she said she is "wiser now" and will be more upfront about exactly what she wants from her next renter.

"Know what you're expecting and be very clear about it," advised Susser to other seniors thinking about cohabiting with younger renters.

Conflict resolution

Aaron Lyons, conflict mediator and co-founder of Just Outcomes, said age gaps can complicate relationships because both parties have different views of the world and different experiences in it.

He said in shared living situations it is helpful to have "community agreements" going in and ways to deal with conflict, such as bringing in an outside mediator that can help engage with tricky conversations "in a way that suspends judgment."

'Conflict is really about difference, plus tension" said Lyons.

He said he has mediated many situations with people living together experiencing conflict and if there is a significant imbalance in power it can be detrimental to both parties.

"Right at the outset have some of those difficult conversations," advised Lyons.

The benefits, he said, can be the introduction of new ways of thinking and the beginning of a positive new relationship that can withstand daily strife and benefit young and old.

Roomies is a week-long radio series exploring intergenerational living. The series runs Aug. 12-16 on CBC Radio One's morning shows in B.C.