'Supermom' is super tired — and dad needs to step up

This story is part of Amy Bell's Parental Guidance column, which airs on CBC Radio One's The Early Edition.

From the first days of the pandemic, we've heard from stressed out parents as they've struggled to work from home while raising their kids. But as weeks have turned to months, more and more mothers are finding themselves carrying the weight when it comes to balancing careers, kids and emotional overload. 

Women were already at a disadvantage in the workforce before COVID-19, and it's only gotten worse. According to the latest numbers from Stats Canada, women made up half of the paid labour force in February, but over half of job losses posted between February and April, and just one-third of employment gains in May.

I spoke with Amanda Watson — a mother, SFU lecturer and author of the upcoming book The Juggling Mother — about how unrealistic this idealized "supermom" image is, and how we need to normalize supporting everyone who needs it before disaster strikes. 

"Universal basic income and universal child care," says Watson. "Programs that feminists have been arguing for [for] decades because they equalize things."    

'The media is telling women this is their problem to fix'

Of course, every family is different. But if you look at most heterosexual partnerships, it's the mom performing the bulk of unpaid labour that keeps the family running. Even if a family feels "balanced," men are praised for doing things like laundry and cooking, while women are constantly feeling pressured by themselves — and society — to do more and figure out the problems that come along. 

Vancouver mom Jacqueline Weston is tired of the way this message is spread on so many levels. 

"There was a news article titled, 'Canada's cautious school re-opening plan leaves women in the lurch,'" says Weston. "The media is telling women this is their problem to fix."

It's worth noting that Jacqueline is returning to school full-time in September, and has been asked countless times by people if she will be delaying her plans until COVID-19 restrictions are lifted and life returns to normal. 

And yet, no one has asked her husband if he'll be reducing his hours to cover her while she's in class or doing assignments. 

'Men need to give their power away'

There's no denying that money dictates which partner's job is a priority. Many fathers have to shoulder the financial burden of the family — whether they want to or not. But that's also part of a larger power imbalance between men and women. Many dads make more money because they haven't delayed their careers for parenting, haven't been passed over for promotions and, as we know, are typically paid more than women. Being a parent presents very little risk for men, and that privilege needs to be willingly forfeited.

"Men need to find ways to give their power away," explains Watson. "Yes, it might make you less popular at work and yes, it might impact your career." 

In other words, to help women, they need to be willing to be treated like women.  

Here's the thing; it's 2020, and not only am I furious that this is still an issue — I'm exhausted. In every possible way.

Moms are drowning and it seems like everyone is watching us from the beach instead of jumping into the water to help. COVID-19 may have magnified the issue — but the inequality in parenting, the workforce and society at large has been infecting the world for far longer than any virus.

What's frustrating is that there is a cure, but like wearing a mask, it makes some people uncomfortable and only works if everyone gets on board. Not just for themselves, but to protect others.