Braving the new world of campus: How to navigate the exciting and scary transition to university

This story is part of Amy Bell's Parental Guidance column, which airs on CBC Radio One's The Early Edition.

It was hard enough for me to send my children off to preschool down the block, so I can't imagine bidding them goodbye at some university dorm room in the not too distant future.

But that has been the reality for many parents this past month — and it's heartbreaking, exhilarating, scary and stressful for everyone.

Post-secondary life is when we kind of let go of our "kids" and watch them wander off into adulthood. 

A new world for everyone

For new university students the "newness" of it all can be overwhelming.

Finding housing, finding classes, finding friends, all while settling in to a new level of independence, is a lot. And since post-secondary classes were, for the most part, online last year thanks to the pandemic, there are entire campuses filled with students of all ages trying to get used to a new routine.

I touched base again with Jessica Baldwin — who I spoke with earlier this year when she was about to graduate from high school — as she navigates being a first-year student at the University of Victoria.

She feels like her family really helped to prepare her for all the possible pitfalls and unsafe situations she might encounter, and so far she's found the experience to be exciting and filled with new friends. 

"I was surprised how quickly I adjusted," says Baldwin. "I met my friends the second day I was here. It's nice to know so many people." 

She says she's most looking forward to the learning that happens outside the classroom: "The opportunity of living on my own. That whole aspect to it."  

For new students struggling to adjust, it's good to remember they are surrounded by people in the same situation, or who have been in the past. 

Natalie Friesen, a third-year student at the University of the Fraser Valley, encourages new students to ask their peers for help. 

"Everyone is willing to listen. Everyone will be kind to you," Friesen says. "Make these connections. Everyone will be willing to give you some very good advice, I think." 

Letting go can be difficult

Of course, the parents have to adjust, too.

Jennifer Figner sent her eldest son off to school in Toronto last year, and her youngest has just started living on campus at UBC. She's well versed in how difficult it can be — especially when you can't physically be there for you children when they are struggling. 

"It was so hard for him to be across the country and for us to be here for his first heartbreak," says Figner of her eldest. "That's one of those things as a parent that you hope you can be there to help your child navigate." 

While some parents might find themselves constantly thinking of worst-case scenarios, Figner says those fears will ease as parents see their child make responsible choices for themselves. 

Campus dangers 

But what if the worst-case scenario actually happens? From overdoses to violent attacks and sexual assault, there are a lot of dangers on campus.

Last year, Statistics Canada's latest data showed that 11 per cent of students who identify as female reported they had been sexually assaulted in 2019. Despite ongoing efforts to educate everyone about consent and safety, this is still a huge problem.

Aashna Josh, manager with AMS Sexual Assault Support Centre at UBC, says schools must strive to engage everyone in conversations about boundaries and consent — "and that includes people who might choose to use sexually violent behaviour," she says.

"I think consent is part of the conversations but the other piece is definitely around people reflecting on their own actions and behaviours," Josh says.

She also stresses that if your child does confide in you about an assault, let them take the lead in how they want to share and how they want to proceed, and support them in their decisions. Josh says everyone should know there are people to help all of you through this time. 

University is so much more than the classes you take or the grades you make. It's a time of exploration and challenge that can shape who you are in the future. You find lifelong friends and have your mind opened to ideas you never expected. Students learn valuable life lessons and parents learn the gentle art of letting go.

But not all lessons need to be learned. Depression, anxiety or assault should not be accepted as a part of post-secondary life. It should be a time of exciting opportunities, new experiences and midnight cramming sessions, and I hope they will continue for all students in the years to come.