How to help your kids hold onto hope during the dark days of the pandemic

This story is part of Amy Bell's Parental Guidance column, which airs on CBC Radio One's The Early Edition.

Like many parents, I've been working overtime to keep my children — and perhaps myself — out of the depths of despair since life was upended last March.

With vaccines on the horizon, I suddenly hear my kids making big plans for post-pandemic life where everything is back to normal. So why is my first response to their magical musings a sinking feeling in my gut and a panicked urge to squash those hopeful thoughts?

Yes, post-pandemic life awaits us — but it's a long way off and it will likely be permanently different than life before. So how can parents continue to point out the silver linings while making sure their kids are realistic about what the future holds?

There are a lot of things that keep messing up our visions of happily ever after. We've got new variants, vaccine delays, and people not listening to health orders. But I think No. 1 is just this feeling of exhaustion. The novelty has clearly worn off. 

Tim Dickert, a father of two, knows that a lot of the tricks he and his wife used to get through the first months of the pandemic — such as hyping up events like birthdays and Christmas — aren't going to cut it this year. 

"We're coming up to another birthday and last year we were telling him, 'Next year you'll get a birthday party,' and I don't think he's going to get a birthday party this year," Dickert said.  

Dickert also says parents are no exception when it comes to holding onto hope for dear life.

"I remember the day that Bonnie Henry announced that the vaccine had been approved ... and I started to get choked up," Dickert said. "I didn't realize I had been holding onto this hope for the next thing."

Have fun and create joy

For some families, especially those with previous health concerns or disabilities, a return to "normal" is even further away — and even then, life will remain very different than it is for others.

These families have navigated the pandemic while also managing pre-existing concerns, so in some ways, they were uniquely prepared for a life of modifications and missing out. 

Krystle Scholfield is raising two daughters, the youngest of whom lives with a rare genetic disorder that leaves her immune compromised. Their lives won't change simply because a vaccine is available or health orders are modified, but there is still a lot to enjoy. 

"We have always been conscious in making choices around our daughter's risk factor," Scholfield said. "We can have fun and create joy and adventures in certain areas." 

Always look on the bright side of life

While staying positive can have many benefits, it's also important to occasionally recognize how bad things are and could continue to be. It's no secret the days of a pandemic kind of suck, so say it out loud! But if we shout out the bad things, we need to shout out the good in equal measure.

Dana Osiowy and her husband are working hard at keeping their four-year-old son's spirits up while reminding him to acknowledge when he feels bad. Through Osiowy's work at New Westminster Family Place she hears how all families are feeling the negative impacts of the past year, and how deeply it can affect everyone. So she focuses on letting her son acknowledge when he's feeling low, but to also embrace all that's still good in his world.

"When he's miserable ... honouring that and then being really intentional about 'Oh my gosh, we just had that carrot cake and it was so good,'" Osiowy said. "Not to smash down his bad feelings, but honour those and also talk about the positive things."  

You don't have to seek out puppies and unicorns to find a hit of hope. Celebrate those simple joys in life. We are all sad, but there will always be cake! 

As we head toward an anniversary none of us want to celebrate, it's important that we look for these little wins in life, and share them.

I love how kids can maintain blinding optimism in the darkest of situations, but we need to protect them from the devastation of disappointment. There will be better days ahead, but we can't hurry them.

So, as we carry on into the second year of COVID-19, let's focus on the small wins. Yes, hope still springs eternal, and that can be more important than a vaccine at times, but we all need to keep our feet planted firmly on the ground so we can safely walk through whatever lies ahead.