Wildfires are fanning flames of anxiety for many kids. How can parents help them cope?

This story is part of Amy Bell's Parental Guidance column, which airs on CBC Radio One's The Early Edition.

Wildfires have burned a terrifying path through our province this summer, but the impact of these fires will be felt for months, even years, to come.

I can't begin to imagine what it's like to watch flames advance on your community, suddenly be told to flee from your home and then potentially learn it's been lost to the fires: the panic, the uncertainty and, for some, the utter loss.

It would be so much for a young mind to process. So it's no wonder some kids are struggling with the consequences of this record-breaking wildfire season. 

'Compounded stress'

To understand their struggle, we need to realize it's not just about this year. Meg Kapil, a Vancouver Island-based counsellor who has years of experience helping children and teens process trauma, says she's keenly aware of the stressful events they have already faced in their lives, and the cumulative effect. 

"Especially on the heels of COVID, I think we have this sort of compounded stress," says Kapil. "... Natural disasters are especially troubling because they impact core needs of safety and certainty that we all crave as humans, and the pandemic also did that." 

Wildfires are just one element of climate anxiety that a lot of youth are processing. It's up to parents to really try to provide comfort and context.

But on top of worrying about their kids, adults coping with the aftermath of wildfires also have to deal with the practical logistics like insurance and finding shelter, as well as the long-term outlook for their communities and families. Kapil says she understands completely this difficult position and advises parents to try to regulate themselves as much as possible — but within reason. 

"I'm not going to use the word 'calm' because I think that's a ridiculous goal when dealing with a wildfire. I think trying to be relatively regulated so you can attend to your kids when they need it," she says. 

"When we're really stressed we tend to go into a tunnel vision ... but it's not helpful when we want to be able to reassure kids. We need to be able to zoom out a little bit and see them and witness what they're saying to us."

'Parental self-care matters'

Simon Sherry, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Dalhousie University in Halifax, says self-care is crucial for parents who have experienced a brutal event like being evacuated from their home or losing it altogether. 

It's not selfish and will also help your kids, too, he says. 

"Parental self-care matters. You need to be healthy, you need to be available for your kids. And, so, that may involve taking some time for yourself to be well," Sherry says.

"If you're well it has a pleasing affect on your children and their own coping responses." 

Sherry stresses the importance of letting a child know that feeling worried, sad and nervous about the past, present and future is normal and valid.

"Fires can result in the destruction of a home or the displacement from a home," he says. "The home often presents safety and security and predictability. So the destabilization of that does stir up a lot of intense feelings."

In the immediate aftermath, it can be hard to imagine any sort of normalcy will return. But it will, and there is overwhelming evidence that most children, teens and adults get through these chaotic and stressful events without lingering issues, Sherry says.

"it's important to convey to a kid that this is a temporary and survivable situation," he adds. 

Kapil says parents and families play a large role in how deep an impression such an event leaves on children. 

"The biggest piece is us as adults helping kids make sense," she says. 

"What story, essentially, do they have about what happened? That's where we can really focus on the meaning they make of it. Focus on resilience and strength and things they actually have some control over, that they can take with them." 

My heart goes out to anyone who has been affected by wildfires. With the upheaval of the new school year right around the corner, some kids won't have their homes, their safe spaces, to return to each day. It will be tough.

I hope teachers and parents can understand how difficult the coming weeks and even months might be, and give kids the grace to process everything in ways that aren't always pretty or understandable.