Jennifer Newman: Why employees should stand up to a bullying boss

An employee may fear reprisal if they stand up to a boss that's being intimidating or abusive, yet it is better to do something than let the bullying go on, says workplace psychologist Jennifer Newman.

Newman sat down with host Rick Cluff on The Early Edition to explain how and when workers should stand up to a bullying boss.

Rick Cluff: Why do some workers clam-up when they run up against mean bosses?

Jennifer Newman: There's the fear of being fired. Workers can also feel they are compromised because of debts and other financial obligations that they have to look at. So, stirring the pot with an aggressive supervisor could have bad financial implications. Also, needing a good reference for another job or a promotion away from the boss, keeps workers mum. So, telling the boss to stop, may result in being fired, or laid off or ending up with no reference for the next job. There's a lot at stake. They're afraid of the repercussions of saying anything, and afraid that saying anything may make things worse.

So, is it true things get worse if workers stand up to intimidating bosses?

What gets worse is the abuse when workers don't say anything. The behaviour continues and is pretty much guaranteed to do so. Suffering silently nets more abuse in the long run, which is the opposite of what the worker is hoping will happen. They hope by staying silent, they are protected from further abuse. They think they'll get off the radar and be able to avoid their manager's wrath.

When faced with this situation, workers are better off saying something. The chances are higher by being assertive that the abuse will stop. Staying silent nets more abuse. Now, this is a hard sell when your supervisor is on your case, because dysfunctional bosses may retaliate and come down harder on assertive employees. But, if the worker continues to be assertive it can stop the abuse.

How does being assertive help workers in this situation?

Workers who are assertive are more likely to say they don't like what's going on, while workers low in assertiveness will tend to stay silent. Highly assertive workers tend to have good personal boundaries and they are clear about how they want to be treated. Also, they are willing to have difficult conversations when necessary. They can articulate what they want, in a calm and firm way.  They can see other people's points of view as well as their own needs.

For example, there was a worker who interrupted her abusive boss. The worker said, "I want to help you. But, when you speak to me in that tone of voice, it gets my back up. If you can speak calmly, we can get this figured out." Her boss seemed really surprised then backed off.

What's going on for workers with low assertiveness and how can they change that?

Some workers who are low on assertiveness have trouble identifying how they feel. Their emotions are turned way down. Or, they discount or second guess how they feel. They may be aware they're feeling uncomfortable or angry. They'll say "I shouldn't feel that" or, "I'm over-reacting."

Some don't have the skills to be assertive and others are low in confidence and don't believe they have the right to say anything, especially to a boss. Low assertive workers tend to have trouble believing they have the right to calmly and respectfully stand up for themselves.

Assertiveness skills can be learned. And, workers can learn how to tune into their emotions and articulate them. They can also identify how they want to be treated. Then they can decide whether it's better to stay quiet or not.

What are the costs to workers if they don't say something to aggressive bosses?

The risk of depression is there. Workers may turn to alcohol and drug use to cope. You'll see physical problems like back aches and migraines, workers can't sleep, they feel helpless and hopeless. And, not saying anything doesn't make the problem go away.

Also, the organization suffers too. Staying silent means information needed to get the job done, may be being withheld from intimidating supervisors.

For example, I've seen bosses say they don't understand why they aren't hearing about problems fast enough. But it was because they bark at anyone who comes forward and blames them for the issue they just raised.

But, when is it better to stand up for oneself and when is it better to lie low?

Sometimes lying low is a way to stand up for yourself at work. I've met assertive workers who decide they are going to leave because of their supervisor.  They bide their time until they find a new job or get a transfer. The important thing is to remember if you have an abusive supervisor, he or she won't stop being abusive because you stayed quiet or tried to avoid them. The assertive thing to do is make a plan. That can include:

• Talking to the boss firmly about what's going on.
• Looking for another job.
• Quitting.
• Going to HR.
• Going above your supervisor's head.
• Or, working on your assertiveness skills.
• Saving some money so you aren't as compromised.

This interview has been edited and condensed

To hear the full interview listen to the audio labelled: Workplace psychologist Jennifer Newman explains why it's important to stand up to an abusive boss