British Columbia

What not to say to a child with mental health issues

Parents can now turn to a new resource to help them navigate through what they should and shouldn't say if their kids are depressed or are faced with mental health issues.

A new resource guide helps parents navigate the conversation with their child

The Institute of Families for Child and Youth Mental Health has released a resource guide to help parents if their kids are dealing with mental health issues. (Institute of Families for Child and Youth Mental Health)

Parents can now turn to a new resource to help them navigate through what they should and shouldn't say if their kids are depressed or are faced with mental health issues.

The campaign, launched by a non-profit group, surveyed 400 youth for their input on what phrases they don't like to hear. 

The young people said phrases like, 'it's just a phase or you'll get over it,' or 'don't worry so much you are only a kid,' aren't helpful. 

"It's not because parents want to say the wrong thing, it's that they just don't know it is not helpful," said Keli Anderson, president and CEO of the Institute of Families for Child and Youth Mental Health. 

Anderson said phrases that are dismissive shut down the lines of communication. 

Instead, she recommends asking questions and letting them know you care about them.

Don't say things that are dismissive or belittle them, says Anderson. (Institute of Families for Child and Youth Mental Health)

Be a better listener

A parent herself, Anderson struggled with how to find the right words to say to her son, who is now 27-years-old. 

It wasn't until he turned to her as a young boy and said, 'nobody is listening to me,' that she realized she had to learn to be a better listener. 

Instead try to show you care and let them know it is okay for them to feel this way, says Anderson. (Institute of Families for Child and Youth Mental Health)

Anderson said parenting doesn't come with a manual, so people don't always know what to say. 

"How would we know what to say?" she said, "We've never given people the tools they need and that is what we are trying to do." 

Anderson acknowledges there is a difference between having a mental health crisis and a bad day, but she says it is equally important to keep the conversation lines open. 

With files from the CBC's The Early Edition and Catherine Rolfsen.

To hear the full interview click on the audio labelled: Parents, youth and mental health.