Why couples need to be on the same page financially

Disagreeing over money can be detrimental to a relationship, which is why couples need to discuss finances and make decisions together, says an author and personal finance consultant.

"Your financial compatibility is as important as your personal compatibility. That's because everything you do with your money — how you spend it, grow it, save it, etcetera is a reflection of your value system, which is very deeply rooted,"  said Lesley-Anne Scorgie, author of The Modern Couple's Money Guide.

"Parents and how they've behaved with money affect how we now behave with money, so no wonder a spender and a saver in a relationship get into financial horn locking."

The importance of financial compatibility

Scorgie said it's critical for couples to be "on the same financial page," and that each person doesn't make their own individual decisions around spending without consulting the other.

"If you're the spender and I'm the saver and you're spending my savings, I might feel like you're putting my future in jeopardy," she said.

According to Scorgie, budgeting plays a key role.

"It's not a really fun subject, but it is the tool that is most effective in setting financial boundaries with your partner," she said.

"If you don't have a budget that you both honour and respect, that's when couples start making decisions unilaterally, on their own, and irritating each other, whereas a budget [is a tool] you hold each other accountable to."

Make decisions together, author says

Scorgie also said partners should swap "financial chores."

"What we recommend with our clients is that you swap those roles from time to time so that no partner is ever in a position where they can't perform a simple task such as paying the bill, accessing the bank account, and or meeting with the financial advisor," she said.

"You want to have an idea of where you're going and trust that you can get there. That requires both partners participating."

She also said it's important that, if both people in a relationship are earning money, they contribute to the household expenses in proportion to what they earn. She said it doesn't make sense for the lower income earner to pay 50 per cent of the expenses.

It's important that these decisions — and planning for future expenses — are discussed, and if a nice dinner or glass of wine makes both parties feel more comfortable, then do that, Scorgie said.

"What you want to do is take the tension down, so no finger pointing, no name pointing, don't blame each other for the situation that you're in," she said.

"Instead understand where it is that you are, why you got here and what you are going to do about it. Be solutions focused."

With files from CBC's B.C. Almanac

To hear the full story listen to the audio labelled: Author of 'The Modern Couple's Money Guide' explains the importance of couples making financial decisions together