Big kids are scary: Helping children cope with new schools and new fears

Kids who can drive, kids who can shave — high school can be an intimidating scene for children who were in elementary school just months ago. 

The move up to a higher grade can be angst-inducing for students who have to navigate unfamiliar hallways filled with kids bigger than themselves this September. To help make the transition easier, The Early Edition guest host Laura Lynch spoke with registered psychologist Vanessa Lapointe who offered coping mechanisms for parents and kids alike.

"The key word is prepare," said Lapointe, who suggested parents take their children to see the new campus before classes start so it's "not some big mystery to them" on their first day. She also recommended meeting new teachers and connecting with other kids in the school beforehand.

"Think in advance about the kinds of things that would be helpful for them to be exposed to," advised Lapointe.

Too late for that?

Don't panic — there are signs to watch for if you're worried your newly-minted 'big kid' is getting distressed.

Bigger kids, bigger bullies

Lapointe said don't be too alarmed if your high school student is a bit moody when school first starts. Some challenging behaviour doesn't necessarily mean the transition is going badly.

"If your child is using up all their coping reserves to manage though the school day they're going to probably be coming home to you a little bit on empty and saving all of the big messy stuff for you," she said, adding that can be a sign of good parenting because the child knows they have a safe caregiver they can unload on after keeping it together all day. 

But a "bad case of the Septembers" should only carry on for a few weeks said Lapointe, or there might be a bigger cause for concern.

And that bigger concern could be big kid bullies.

Signs your child is being bullied include personality changes, as well as disturbed eating and sleeping habits because the body is in an alarmed state. 

"Whenever you're seeing any of those big kinds of changes it's really time to very fiercely be stepping in as a parent and taking stock of what's going on," said Lapointe. "Be the shield that your child is going to need in order to regain that sense of safety."

And when it comes to creating an initial sense of safety, Lapointe said it is critical little kids moving into bigger kid turf know a caregiver is in their corner.

"The most important relationship is to make sure that the child knows that no matter what happens, they have at least one big person in the world who believes the sun rises and sets on them."

To hear a complete interview with Vanessa Lapointe, click on the audio link below: