Your dad's search history explained

You're probably wondering how the question "why would someone use a black mirror?" is showing up in blue font in your Google search results. Remember when you let your dad use your laptop last week to "pay the water bill?" He absolutely was not doing that. Instead, he was trying to understand the conversation he'd just had with you. Here are some explanations for the other items in your dad's recent search history.

"What are the kids talking about these days?"

This is a classic question on every dad's mind. He's seen the light leave your eyes when he tried to bring up that time he started a mosh pit at a Paul Anka concert, and also when he explains that he never tried pot because he wasn't into being "spooked out." He just wants to relate to you. Unfortunately, the top search result for this question is from 2014, so don't be surprised if he asks to see your Vine app.

"How to explain to my son meth is bad"

Your dad thinks that "getting lit" is code for doing meth. He's probably drafting up a handwritten letter right this moment explaining that he loves you and that he doesn't want to see you waste your life on "the crank." After all, many of his friends' lives (i.e. a random man who lives on a corner downtown that your dad has seen exactly twice) have been ruined by speed. He will absolutely cry while reading the letter and then again after feeling the relief that you've just been drinking coolers in the parking lot across the street.

"What is Netflix and why is chilling necessary?"

Until he hit "search," your father thought that Netflix was a game about tapping into some sort of mainframe and that you had to chill because you got so worked up over it. Now that he knows the truth, he's out buying you a box of condoms and also "jumping on this Netflix train! Next stop, Couch Town!"

"Do Tide Pods taste good though?"

EVERYONE wants to know. He's just a curious little guy.

"Will my wife be mad at me if I try a Tide Pod"

He found his answer pretty immediately when your mom interrupted his search by asking if he was the one who ate the "special" apples.

"I have ingested a Tide pod am I going to die"

You are his kid. You both saw this coming.

"9-1-1 help Toronto area"

Maybe check to see if your dad is okay.

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