I tried to Google answers for HQ Trivia and here's what happened

The HQ Trivia quiz app has recently exploded in popularity. To play the game, you're asked 12 multiple-choice questions in real time. If you get them all right, you win actual money – you'll split a pot that is often well over $1,000.

If you're anything like me, you've probably already decided that A) you're going to try this because it sounds fun and B) you are absolutely going to use Google to cheat, because they're giving away MONEY, and you love money! And what is "cheating" really? Did you know that a bunch of philosophers like Nietzsche and Spinoza believed that morality is relative? So, I mean… c'mon! WTF.

Before we run with that line of thinking and take it to some potentially not-great places life-choice wise, there IS one problem regarding this HQ cheating plan: the app only gives you 10 seconds to choose your answer. And those 10 seconds count down from when the host (the great Scott Rogowski) BEGINS to ask the question, not after. It's a really short amount of time, and Googling the answers within that timespan certainly SEEMS impossible. But is it? I couldn't help but wonder if I'd been missing out on filling my bank account with some of that sweet, guilt-free, Silicon Valley startup money.

I decided to get my phone out, turn on my laptop, crack my knuckles, and Google the hell out of this bastard. Here's how it went:

Question 1:

What was the original base ingredient for gummy bears? Sheep's milk, caramel or gum?

I'm not going to lie. I didn't even bother Googling this one. Gum. Give me a break. Moving on.

Verdict: Inconclusive.

Question 2:

Historically where was the Etruscan civilization based? Italy, Spain or France?

Let me tell you, those 10 seconds come at you fast. As I frantically started Googling the answer, my girlfriend (who was also playing) yelled 'Italy!" In the time it took me to summon my VERY GOOD Dustin Hoffman impression and yell "Hey, I'm Googling here!" I was already down to a second or two. So I just clicked "Italy." Correct.

Verdict: Inconclusive due to interference.

Question 3:

The "Angel's Share" is slang for what? Corporate taxation, evaporation, or tithing?

Finally, this was my chance to see how good of a Googler I really was. I typed in "angel's share" and got this:

Here's how my thought process went: OK. "Angel's Share" seems to be the name of some damn movie. That doesn't have anything to do with the question! Three seconds left! What else is on this page other than this movie stuff?? Two seconds. One second. SHIT!

I panicked and selected "Corporate taxation" for no particular reason.  And that was totally incorrect. The correct answer was "Evaporation." "Angel's Share" my ass!

Verdict: FAILED.

I couldn't help but wonder if I wasn't just experiencing bad luck. Or nervous first time jitters. I was an HQ Googling, virgin after all. I decided to try again later that day. Here's how my second attempt went:

Question 1:

Who founded Black & Decker?

One of the answers included a pair of guys with the literal last names "Black" and "Decker" so I went ahead and chose that one based on my keen wits alone. Correct!

Verdict: Inconclusive.

Question 2:

Toni Morrison won a Pulitzer Prize for which novel? Romeo and Juliet, 50 Shades of Grey, or Beloved?

As I heard the question, I typed "Toni Morrison" into my Google search bar and saw the novel Beloved pop up immediately! Success! Now, I have to be honest – I'm not necessarily great with authors, but I was already pretty positive Toni Morrison wrote Beloved. And even if I wasn't, I was really fucking sure she didn't write Romeo and Juliet or 50 Shades of Goddamn Grey, so I was sort of just confirming what I already knew on this one.  

Verdict: KIND of worked?

Question 3:

What does the word "conflagration" mean?  Mixed meanings, confusing terminology, or destructive fire?

This answer seemed easy to search for. I frantically typed "what does the word "conflagration" into my Google bar (I had no time for your precious "grammar").

As you can see, the answer was right there in front of me (destructive fire). But somehow, in the two or three seconds I had, I just didn't register that. In my frantic scanning, my eyes didn't pick it out. As the seconds ticked by, I arbitrarily chose "confusing terminology" while yelling something like "ahhhhhhhhh I dunno, I dunno oh Jesus." It ended up being wrong.  Pathetically wrong.

Verdict: Humiliating failure.

So there you have it! Is HQ Trivia Google-able? Probably not. Even if you're a fast-as-hell typist, it's incredibly hard to register any information in the few seconds you have. But remember – if you try this, and you fail, at least fail with your head held high, giving your very best and absolutely trying to cheat.

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