Tim Hortons to fill minimum wage gap by paying employees in Timbitcoin

After a series of lengthy meetings over the weekend, a collective representing the nation's Tim Hortons franchisees has declared that any issues regarding the increased minimum wage have been put behind them, and that they will be filling the gap between their employees' former wages and the new minimum wage in a unique way.

"We realized that the onus is not on the government to protect us from ourselves," said Jim Tendy, spokesperson for the franchisees.

"Instead, it is up to us to keep up with the pace of the modern world, and to pay our employees—fairly, equally, and properly—in the most modern way possible. That's why in addition to their former wage, they will now be receiving a salary top-up in the form of Timbitcoin."

Asked the nature of this cryptocurrency, Tendy reached into a box and pulled out a single plain Timbit, saying, "Oh, it's one of these."

For every additional dollar owed to the employees, Tendy said that employees will instead receive Timbitcoin, "the way of the future, with a potential for tremendous growth."

Asked how some of the franchisees were able to resolve their previous concerns about the extra cost to the businesses, Tendy spoke plainly.

"Oh, they're fine with it, because each Timbit costs 25 cents. So for every dollar we owe our employees, we're paying them 1/4 of that dollar."

"So it's a win-win. We are saving money, and rather than boring old money, our beloved workers are getting a fraction of that money, in a cool, exciting, edible form," said Tendy.

When asked whether the employees wouldn't be better served by receiving the money in, well, monetary form, which they could then decide to exchange for four times as much "Timbitcoin" if they wished, Tendy spoke gravely, looking this reporter directly in the eye.

"It's a win-win."

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