Mother's Day gifts you can buy for yourself because you're turning into your mother, Linda

It's almost Mother's Day — a time to revere and appreciate the woman who brought you up, and who, despite your best efforts, Linda, you are exactly like.

Yes, you are.

Stop.

Even this tone of voice you're using to protest right now is exactly like hers. Yup, she'd put her hands on her hips like that too.

Here's a list of gift ideas to help you figure out what to buy for your mother, and also for yourself because you are her.

Gardening supplies

It's hard to imagine your mom without a trowel in her gardening-gloved paws. It was never for you — too much bending and digging around in the dirt, but just the other day you bought a succulent to make your living room look like a Pinterest photo and now you can't stop wondering what it would be like to slip inside a Sheridan Nurseries — just to look, not to buy.

You think you're immune to the pleasant danglings of a hanging plant, but as you get closer to one, you can't help but imagine how nice it would be to sit in a cozy chair with some herbal tea (caffeine goes right through you at this age!), while listening to some soothing nature sounds.

An amorphous pant/tunic combo

Look, you think you're going to love high-waisted jeans forever, but the truth is you're one Michael Buble song away from spending the rest of your years in linen pants, and the sooner you start to get comfortable with that fact, the easier it will be to appreciate the delicate embroidery on the hemline of the tunic you purchased from Ten Thousand Villages.

A DVD box set of Criminal Minds

Can you believe how sick and twisted this world is?! You'd better reach for your phone while watching and send a text to all your loved ones to make sure they're alive.

Empowering ornaments

There comes a point in your mid-to-late thirties where you'll be incapable of resisting the smell of incense wafting out of a Tibet-themed store run by a white woman. You'll be drawn inside by the possibilities of purchasing some coloured stones etched with inspiring sentiments like "Dream" and "Trust" and "Eighteen Dollars".

"No," you say to yourself, "This is for mom," but somehow you still find yourself reaching for a large teak carving of a...horse? Is it a monkey? What the hell is this? Who cares, it's handmade (maybe)!

Orthopedic loafers

Oh, your mom will absolutely love these stylish but sensible shoes...and come to think of it, the one thing we really should be taking care of at all times are our ankles and knees. Perhaps you should try on a pair for yourself, Linda. Don't pretend like you couldn't benefit from some arch support. A practical shoe is the key to a healthy and happy mom — I mean Linda — I mean mom.

Now listen, Linda, it's okay to be like your mom. There's nothing wrong with that. She's a strong, smart woman, and she created you. Sure, she drives you absolutely bonkers, but that's because You. Are. Her.

Congratulations. Happy Mother's Day to us all!

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