Man who resolved to lose 2 pounds a week this summer prepares for 30-pound final-week push
MADOC, ON—This isn't going to be easy, but hey, nobody ever said it would be.
Andrew Wembleton, a 36-year-old sandwich artist, laid out a very specific goal at the outset of the summer: he would get in shape slowly, consistently, and successfully, losing an average of two pounds per week to drop 30 pounds by Labour Day.
Now, having reached the final week of the summer weighing the exact same 261 pounds he did 15 weeks ago, he still thinks he can meet his goal successfully, albeit with some extremely hard work.
"I always knew this was going to be one of the toughest things I've ever done," says Wembleton. "In fact, a lot of people said I couldn't do it. They said I don't have the willpower. They said that often. They said that every time they saw me all through the summer: at pool parties, family reunions, and shirts vs. skins basketball games, all while I seemed to be factually demonstrating that no, I do not have the willpower."
"Other people would say a lot of those things you typically hear from the haters, you know," Wembleton continues. "Stuff like, 'I actually really did believe in you, Andrew, but you quite obviously are not doing what you said you would do,' or 'I love you exactly the same whether you lose any weight or not, but I can tell by my own eyes and the scale you keep bringing with you everywhere that you weight the exact same. I didn't doubt you, but I am just observing, in a very small way, that I should doubt you. I repeat: I love you the exact same no matter what. But yeah, this isn't being accomplished. Which, again, is totally fine. Please don't over-exert yourself to get this done.'"
"Haters gonna hate," scoffs Wembleton with a laugh, before adding vehemently, "But guess what folks? Summer ain't over until it's over—even though, oh man, it's over really, really soon."
Wembleton stressed that he is not taking this project lightly.
"Hey, it's 30 pounds. It's hard to lose in 105 days, it's hard to lose in seven days. It's just a hard amount of weight to lose. Not sure if the specific number of days really makes a difference," he said, though on an editorial note, they very certainly do.
"I'll have to make a lot of sacrifices, put aside a lot of things I love to do," said Wembleton. "Food, for instance. Eating will go from a major priority to… you know… its place in my life will have to… my approach to food will have to become one that… yeah, I'm not going to be able to eat. Eating is definitely off the table."
"Oh man why did I mention tables? So hungry already. Man. This is no cake walk. ARGH! Why did I say that now! … dessert."
Wembleton advised us to check in with him in seven days, as he has no doubt that he will have accomplished his goal by then, and that leaving it all so late was probably in fact the very motivator he needed.
"I actually work really great under pressure – that's the way it worked with essays in university, too," he said, referring to papers he wrote in six hours on the last day and for which he was regularly given a C grade, when he could have easily obtained an A if he had simply started when the essay was assigned.
"That last-minute pressure just brings out the best in me," he said, while literally placing a cake on the table to eat.
"It's gonna be a hard six days after today, though. Tomorrow I officially start."
Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook.