Hi, I'll get a grande — actually can you just break a pumpkin over my head?

Good morning!  Ugh sorry, beautiful fall good morning, haha.

Yeah, it's getting chilly but I don't mind. It's the perfect weather to be just absolutely smothered in a sweater and gagged by a blanket scarf.

Hmm, what should I get today...a tall... no, a venti....oof, I've got to calm down... a grande — actually can you just break a pumpkin over my head?

Will I still get my rewards points if one of your lovely baristas finds the nearest gourd and hurls it over the counter, knocking my knitted grey toque onto my fall booties?

Anything round and orange and unmoving would do. A squash would be fine, a sweet potato could do the trick, but honestly if you could whack me with a pumpkin that would be incredible. Really wHack, with a capital H.

I was wondering: you people start here so early in the morning. Do you have time for your own pumpkin spice smash-fest, or do you just wake up and get straight to it? Either way, I appreciate you. I could not imagine going into the office without first being covered head to toe in a gooey pumpkiny mess, barely able to see, and performing concussion tests on myself for the rest of the day.

It's busy in here today, hey?

It is Wednesday — oh my god, I'm an idiot. It's Thursday. I could really use that pumpkin right about now.

Remember that part in Lord of the Flies? I barely remember. But do you get what I'm saying? Should there be a rambunctious group of young boys with a pumpkin back there behind the soy milk, send them my way. Haha.

Look, this is embarrassing. I need you to know I'm not one of those girls. Those crazy pumpkin spice girls, I'm really not like them. For example,  if you guys just have canned pumpkin puree, I think the can itself could really work wonders. Would one of "those girls" be okay with it canned? No. Am I? Yes, in fact I'm thrilled at the thought of it.

Listen, I have to do this now. The other seasonal drinks just don't do it for me. I've tried waterboarding myself with eggnog but let me tell you, it's not the same. I've done unspeakable things with a candy cane. Attempted to pelt myself with handful of roasted chestnuts. Walked across flaming hibiscus berries. But there's nothing like a pumpkin.

Oooh, I forgot about the whipped cream! Yes PLEASE.

You know what? If you could put the whipped cream in my mouth and THEN drop a 15-pound pumpkin on my head that would make my day.

And leave the stem on. That's the best part.

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