Comedy·NOTHING FANCY

Here's what it's like to be Paul Giamatti's personal chef

"Just make whatever," he'll say.

Jeremy Woodcock · CBC Comedy · Posted: Jul 17, 2018 7:05 AM EDT | Last Updated: July 17, 2018

You probably think it's pretty glamorous to be the personal chef for a Hollywood star. And it is, believe me. But when that Hollywood star is Paul Giamatti, your job is probably a little different than that of most personal chefs.

Paul's a pretty no-nonsense, low-maintenance guy.

He's not unhealthy by any means; Paul knows that to do a day's work of his craft, he needs some good nutrition, and he knows that's what I'll do just by default.

He's no action star, though. He doesn't need me weighing every item to the nearest gram, or finding the very freshest veg and most protein-packed lean seafood.

He eats more or less like a regular guy, like you and me.

Below you will find an example of each meal I will typically make for Paul in a day, alongside his original suggestions for a direction I may take.

BREAKFAST:

"I dunno. Not sure. Just want to be full I guess? Just make whatever." - Paul Giamatti

Scrambled eggs (cooked in microwave)
Coffee
Toast with butter
An apple (he's never eaten the apple, but I will continue to include it)

FASHION
Rihanna, Paul Giamatti stun at Met Gala

SNACK:

"Not sure. Granola bar? There's usually stuff on set so I'm fine." - Paul Giamatti

Granola bar

LUNCH:

"Just make whatever." - Paul Giamatti

12 inch sub from Subway (removed from bag and plated so as to not seem like it's from Subway)
Paul knows this. I am not misleading him. He said I can leave it in the bag, that that's fine, but I don't know.

SECOND SNACK:

"Probably won't totally finish my lunch, so will just have some more of that." - Paul Giamatti

Another granola bar just in case.

DINNER:

"I can probably just grab something. No worries. If you want to make anything, salty is good, I like salty stuff. There's another word for it but I don't know it, you probably do, ha." - Paul Giamatti

I do. The word is savoury, and some pizza pockets (yes they still make them!) are just what the doctor ordered.
That might be funny what I just wrote, if Paul has ever played a doctor in a movie. Not sure, haven't seen all of his work. He's not the kind of guy who just has a bunch of DVDs of his own movies lying around, you know? Not full of himself like a Thomas Haden Church.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeremy Woodcock

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.