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POINT/COUNTERPOINT: Eating cilantro vs. Never Eating Again

Cilantro is among the most divisive foods—let alone herbs—in the world. Let’s take a look at a choice that people are frequently faced with: whether to choke down cilantro, or simply never eat food again.
Jeremy Woodcock · CBC Comedy ·
(Shutterstock / OryGonian)

Cilantro is among the most divisive foods—let alone herbs—in the world. Let's take a look at a choice that people are frequently faced with: whether to choke down cilantro, or simply never eat food again.

POINT: EATING CILANTRO

You will at least be eating something. You'll remain alive.

COUNTERPOINT: NEVER EATING AGAIN

You won't have to eat cilantro. Ever. (This is a good thing.)

POINT: EATING CILANTRO

You can eat Mexican food. Every bite will be tainted and corrupted by the demon weed that is cilantro, like eating a steak wrapped in a bunch of paper towel, but still, you'll be eating it. Congratulations. Hope you're happy.

(You're not.)

COUNTERPOINT: NEVER EATING AGAIN

There's no risk of ever having cilantro in your mouth, ever. Sure, you can try to avoid it and continue to eat ostensibly cilantro-less comestibles, but it could be ground up, deep in there, waiting to strike. The only way to know for sure? Never let another piece of those potentially cilantroed morsels pass your lips.

POINT: EATING CILANTRO

Yeah, you could definitely do this. Oh, for sure. There's also something you could do that's a bit easier, and will have the same results, though, so maybe just do this.

Go to your local Shopper's Drug Mart—no, I know they usually don't sell fresh herbs. Just wait.

Walk into the detergent aisle—no, I know. I know they're not going to have cilantro in the detergent aisle. Just give me a moment to finish this.

Buy some Palmolive dish soap (the green variety, to be even more cilantro-like, though they all are), and buy it, and put it on your food and eat that food.

Because cilantro tastes like dish soap and you should never eat it, that's not food. Soap isn't food. Neither is the big C (Cilantro).

COUNTERPOINT: NEVER EATING AGAIN

You can accomplish that by never eating again. It's really not that hard after the first 10 days.

Then after about 14 days it gets very hard again. But what are you committed to? Sitting around being comfortable all the time, or never letting cilantro touch your tastebuds? Priorities, please.

POINT: EATING CILANTRO

Don't do this.

COUNTERPOINT: NEVER EATING AGAIN

Look, I like food too but you had a good run until cilantro got involved. Better safe than sorry.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Jeremy Woodcock

Jeremy has been a staff writer for This Hour Has 22 Minutes, performed stand-up comedy at the Just For Laughs and Winnipeg Comedy Festivals, and co-created/stars in the popular video series The Urbane Explorer/Finding Bessarion. A 3x Canadian Comedy Award–winner and published humour columnist, he also wrote your favourite joke, the one about the fish trying to get a job at a bank.