Casting the ultimate Canadian Oscar-bait movie (feat. 7 winners from days past)

It's Oscar time, and Canadians everywhere are prepping for a Sunday evening of "I guess I have to see it NOW" and "what are they WEARING?" Somewhere in there we'll be cheering our latest Oscar nominees, Ryan Gosling (best actor) and Arrival (eight nominations including best director Denis Villeneuve).  

We've got a long tradition of Oscar representation — it's actually rare that a Canadian ISN'T nominated.

So, to celebrate our long history of kicking Academy ass, let's take a page out of another Canadian tradition and start an unanswerable debate that can only end in a bar fight. It's time to create The Great Canadian Oscar-bait Movie.

The rules

Just like picking the all-time NHL starting lineup (Gretzky, Howe, Lemieux, Orr, Harvey and Roy, obviously), we're going to create the ultimate all-time Canadian cast and crew for a movie using only Oscar-winners. Because there's no better way to win an Oscar than to use people who've been there before.

And for this thought experiment, we're sticking with the feature film categories. (Sorry short, animated short and documentary winners.)

Behind the camera

First, we need a script, and it'll have to be original (no adapted screenplay wins, YET).  Roger Avary co-won for Pulp Fiction, but who are we kidding, that's really a Tarantino pic. So let's grab the co-writer of Crash, Paul Haggis.

Director?  Lots of Canadian nominations, but for wins, there's only the pride of Chippewa, Ont., James Cameron for Titanic. We'll go with Cameron because, hey, 3D, and also because he has a second statue for best editing (also Titanic).

That'll save us money, which should please our producers: Oscar winners Paul Haggis and James Cameron.

For our score we could have Life of Pi's Michael Danna, but Howard Shore did the Lord Of The Rings, so, ORCS!  

And he can co-write our Oscar-bait song with the immortal Buffy Sainte-Marie.

On screen

Now, the real pull for any film is the on-screen talent.  For actress, we had a surprising number of options with THREE winning candidates, including Norma Shearer and Marie Dressler — all from the early years of the Academy Awards. And nothing plays in the multiplex like a black and white star from 1929. It's been pretty dry for Canada since then, so we're going to cast America's Sweetheart, Mary Pickford, who won for Coquette.  

In a different universe, for supporting actress we'd have to choose between the Tilly Sisters, Meg and Jennifer, but our only winner is Anna Paquin for The Piano. She may be a Kiwi, but she was born in Winnipeg and for Canadian Oscar pride, that more than qualifies.

We've got a few supporting actors in the mix: Canadian-born Harold Russell or the legendary Walter Huston, but we'll go with some kid named Christopher Plummer for Beginners. It's just nice to have someone whose films are in colour.

And actor?

We have none. But if Ryan Gosling can make the leap from Mouseketeer to Oscar-winner Sunday night, our James Cameron joint will finally have a leading man — and copious onscreen nudity, because, we've never won for wardrobe.

So with that image in your head, enjoy your Oscar pool, Canada!

Who would cast and crew YOUR ultimate Canadian Oscar-bait movie?  Tell us in the comments below!