5 toys that wreaked havoc long before Hatchimals

There's just a few days until Christmas, meaning some of you are still struggling to score a Hatchimal, this year's blockbuster toy. But unless your quest involves threats and violence — or a willingness to row patiently behind a container ship crossing the Pacific in hopes that a few eggs fall overboard in a storm — you will almost certainly fail.  

And that's probably a good thing. You don't want to make the news for engaging in a battle royale at the checkout line!

Ah, The Great Hatchimal Craze of 2016. Thing is, we've been down this road many times before. At least this year's big toy sensation is kind of adorable. That hasn't always been the case.

Many must-have toys have been banned or subject to boycott campaigns over concerns that they were too violent or sexually suggestive — or just plain wrong.

So, let's gain some much needed perspective from the ghosts of Christmas controversies past.

1) G.I. Joe

He may be the All-American hero, but since G.I. Joe's creation in 1964 he's also been decried as the All-American Militaristic Gun Nut Bad Example For Kids.

The G.I. Joe family of dolls has been a target for critics since day one, with their hyper-realistic military weapons and hardware. By the mid-1980s, the Ban War Toys movement was in full swing, attracting support from everyone from lawmakers and educators to celebrities. G.I. Joe has been dodging bullets ever since.

2) Transformers

These "robots in disguise" exploded onto the scene in the mid-1980s, and so did worries that they were simply stealth war toys. But what really got parents and even police upset was the evil Transformer Megatron's alternate gun mode.

A few clicks and clacks and Megatron morphed into a surprisingly realistic mock handgun. What could possibly go wrong there?

3) Cabbage Patch Snacktime kids

Sometimes the potential for violence is less apparent, as in the case of the Cabbage Patch Snacktime kids. Some 1990s versions of the dolls had working mouths made of metal rollers that made it look like they were actually eating. The problem was, they kind of did. Kids' fingers and hair would get painfully stuck inside and — OMG the humanity.

4) Tarzan

Like the Cabbage Patch Kids, Disney's cultural products were once synonymous with innocence. At least until Disney's animated Tarzan movie inspired a very questionable toy.

Back in 1999, Disney released and then promptly recalled their Rad Repeatin' Tarzan doll. We're not entirely sure why — but you're welcome to try and figure it out (some parental discretion is advised).

5) Pregnant Midge

Barbie has enjoyed a long and sometimes difficult relationship with North Americans over the years. She's hugely popular, but has also been criticized as everything from a symbol of privilege and elitism to a reinforcer of unhealthy body images. But sometimes it's her friends who stir the debate.

For example, can we just agree that Barbie's friend Pregnant Midge — while intended to be a glowing tribute to the miracle of childbirth — was in fact, the stuff of nightmares?

Not for "namby pambies"

All of this got us thinking about how Christmas toy controversies have played out over the decades. So we went rooting through the CBC Archives and put together the video essay above — part of a new series on YouTube!

Have a look and tell us which coveted or controversial Christmas toy you remember either fondly or fearfully.

Was there a dream toy that you were cruelly denied by some of those meddling no-fun namby-pambies in the all-smothering Nanny State? Or is there a no-good soul-corrupting toy you're keeping far away from your Tiny Tim?