Don't let foul language ruin Christmas dinner

Much can be done to keep inappropriate remarks from ruining a family gathering over the holiday season, advises a university professor.

"Unlike our friends, we haven't chosen our family based on common values," said University of Saskatchewan sociology professor Sarah Knudson. 

Walk the line between having firm boundaries and telling them that what they are saying isn't OK, but on the other hand having empathy.- Sarah Knutson 

Sadly, there sometimes is that one family member at the table who blurts out a racist, sexist or homophobic comment just as people are digging into a holiday feast.

So what is Knudson's advice?                      

"Walk the line between having firm boundaries and telling them that what they are saying isn't OK, but on the other hand having empathy," Knudson said in an interview with CBC Radio's Saskatoon Morning.

In other words, try your best to understand there may be a generation gap at play, and that the offending person's comments may stem from ignorance or lack of social skills.

Knudson added: "Try to confront them independently in a smaller group— maybe one-on-one — because a lot of people would get defensive if you would confront them in front of a large group."

Fight the urge to tweet

One thing you shouldn't do, Knudson said, is to give in to the urge to take to social media, offering a play-by-play of the awkward and horrible things some relative said at the dinner table.

She said re-hashing the argument through social media is, in general, a bad idea. All you can do, she said, is offer your views and then step back and give the offending person a chance to learn and grow. If that doesn't work it is best to "agree to disagree."

Other survival strategies include having a like-minded friend on speed dial, available for some emergency venting.

Or, if all else fails, have an exit strategy.