Some young people say they've broken up with dating apps. Here's why
Lack of authenticity, not getting desired results cited as reasons for turning away from online dating
Just about everything these days happens through cellphones, including dating, with users a swipe and a match away from potentially finding a long-term partner.
But some young people are breaking up with their dating apps, citing the desire to find more authentic connections and the strain of not getting the desired results.
"It feels like a hot or not game," said Brooke Singbeil.
"It feels like you're not actually deciding on real people. It's just these images that you're swiping through, deciding whether you're someone they would like or not."
Singbeil, 20, was excited to download the dating app Tinder when she turned 18.
On the app, swiping right on someone's photo indicates an interest in connecting. Swiping left is a no.
If two users like each other, they'll match, but Singbeil said it didn't always work out.
"I was really hoping to make some genuine relationships, but a lot of the people that I met on there were just looking for hookups and one night stands," she said. "They didn't want to get to know me as a person."
That sentiment was echoed by Ruby Murphy, 18, who also said phones play a role in the way people her age date.
"I definitely think people are spending too much time on their phones when they would have better luck just going out and meeting someone," she said.
But putting yourself out there to find love organically can be easier said than done, said University of Manitoba philosophy Prof. Neil McArthur, who teaches courses on things like sexual ethics and ethics and technology.
McArthur said phones are partly to blame, but even "if you want to put your phone away," it can be hard for people to find opportunities for connection.
There's been a "real hollowing out" of the kind of social spaces young people once had, he said.
"The double whammy of young people being on their phones and then the pandemic killed so much," said McArthur. "The pandemic sort of laid waste to our social world in many ways."
The apps can also impact mental health if people aren't getting likes or matches, said Jeremiah Fagbolagun, 24, who used to be on dating apps like Tinder, Hinge and Bumble.
"It's pretty bad when you put a lot into your profile, you put the right thing you want, and you still don't get a match," Fagbolagun said.
"Most times you doubt yourself. You think, is there something missing? Do I have to say the right words or have the right picture?"
Murphy also said not getting likes or matches can be a "big hit" to "ego and image."
"People are very encouraged to invest in beauty products and to present a view that's not 100 per cent authentic to improve their chances of getting a match," she said.
Changed norms
McArthur said dating apps have "changed the norms around dating" and that they're "pretty much the main way people meet each other."
"So that's obviously a big shift, and I think that there's no way out for young people," he said.
But he also said they're not all that bad.
They can allow people to broaden their social social circle and meet people of different cultural backgrounds and races, he said.
"I think you can use them mindfully, I think you can use them ethically and I think that you can use them to make connections that you cannot otherwise make," he said.
His advice is to not "be afraid of these apps."
"Use these for what they are and use them as part of your dating life, not as your whole dating life," he said.
"For sure you should still be out there meeting people and trying to live a human life, [but] I think we can integrate technology into our lives in healthy ways across the board. I think dating apps are no different."
But Singbeil, who is now in a relationship with someone she previously knew and met off-line, wouldn't recommend the apps to others her age looking for love.
"I would advise them to not use them," she said. "I would advise you to go out and talk to people. It's way better."
