Wingham author Deborah Dickson explores childhood grief in debut novel

While we all deal with grief and loss at some point in our lives, it can be particularly challenging for children to process. 

A woman from Wingham, Ont., has published a novel about navigating grief in childhood. Always Kiss Me Good Night, by Deborah Dickson, is about the loss of a loved one. It follows the true story of her own loss in order to help children and their parents have difficult conversations about grief.

Dickson, a first-time author, spoke with CBC K-W's The Morning Edition host Craig Norris about the book. 

The following interview has been edited for length and clarity. 

Audio of the interview can be found at the bottom of this article. 

Craig Norris:  So this is your first book. What made you want to start writing?

Deborah Dickson: I never even dreamt of writing a story until I was encouraged by a new friend here in town where I live. And she said to me, have you ever talked about or written about losing your mom? And actually, it's 50 years ago this year. And I said, well, no, I, I feel I've dealt with that and, you know, have moved on. She said, well, I have a friend who's a publisher and I think you should write a story and let's submit it to her. 

I proceeded to work on the story for about just over a year. And when Marsha from Twin Horseshoes Publishing took a look at it, she said, 'Deb, with some editing, it is a go. We need to have your story in the community as a resource for families when they're navigating those difficult conversations when they've lost a loved one with their children.' So that's how it proceeded.

Craig Norris: So tell us what the book is about.

Deborah Dickson:  Well, it is a personal story seen through the eyes of a young person. Marsha encouraged me to, you know, begin with great, like good family memories and then leading to my mom getting ill and then passing and how the family dealt with all the emotions that come from that significant loss. 

And then of course, the really difficult part was the body and the story. So I'm not going to tell you anymore details as far as someone needing to read it. But yes, it's a personal story. And I feel it in hindsight now it's a tribute to my mom.

Craig Norris:  What did you go through as a child when it comes to navigating this grief?

Deborah Dickson:  Well, go back 50 years for some who can relate to that. We lived in a rural area in Kitchener. And back then in that generation, you were told to toughen up, go back to work, go back to school and just deal with it. 

From what I recall, there were no resources or counselors or support people. That inspired my message to say we need to support children. They have to feel loved and supported in their emotions and feelings, acknowledged because back then I felt all alone and afraid and I'm sure my brothers did.

Craig Norris:  How do you think this book might help people?

Deborah Dickson:  I think by exploring and allowing your children to feel and express their emotions and not, you know, shut them down and close them down and you know, say go to your room or deal with it. We need to focus on their well-being. And I mean, when you lose a loved one, the family is in crisis. And then again, this is my perspective, this is my story and not everyone maybe would agree on it. But to me, the family's in crisis, the children are in their own crisis, and you have to find a balance. 

As a parent, I feel you should first look after your needs in order for you to look after your children's needs. I explore some options in my book. But then on my website I also have professional links to grief counseling support systems.

Craig Norris:  What sort of feedback have you gotten so far on it?

Deborah Dickson: Well, amazingly, before my book was published I had six beta reviewers: an elementary teacher, a secondary teacher, an author, a social worker, a minister and a psychotherapist. 

They all read my book and then of course I had to get any feedback from them, but they all came back endorsing the message that it was very important of what I've written about. And then the book got published.

Craig Norris:  We're in holiday time now. It can be difficult for people dealing with the loss of loved ones. What advice do you have for people specifically at this time of year?

Deborah Dickson:  From my perspective, I mean, it's been 50 years since I lost my mom and you may lose some images from your childhood of what they were like, what you did, but what's in your heart, you need to maintain and keep all those good memories. 

Perhaps some negative emotions are triggered, then you need to deal with them and just know and feel the love that that person you lost gave to you. And that warmth, that strength is something that I've kept internally to the ground and then get back into the present and lean on the people who you feel can support you, who you can go to, right?

Craig Norris: What is next for you as an author?

Deborah Dickson: Honestly, Craig, I haven't totally thought of that. I have an idea, but I again, didn't realize I couldn't even write anything. I just wanted to mention too, I included our grandson who's 15 to create the digital illustrations that went with my books. And so I'm really proud of that special project that he and I are working on together. It was amazing and I'm pretty proud of the fact that he worked on it with me. 

I think my focus right now is just to further that community awareness that families and children shouldn't feel alone without knowing some options. So I think that's my mandate for now is just to continue with my reaching out and creating that community awareness to do additional help for families.