Tips to help loved ones with Alzheimer's or dementia through the hustle and bustle of the holidays

This time of year can be very busy with holiday shopping and events.

It can also be a confusing time for people with Alzheimer's or dementia. 

Michelle Martin, executive director of the Alzheimer Society of Waterloo Wellington, recently joined CBC Kitchener-Waterloo's Craig Norris, host of The Morning Edition, to offer advice for how to make the holidays a more comfortable time for loved ones who may struggle.

The following interview has been edited for length and clarity. 

Audio of the interview can be found below.

Craig Norris: Take us through what someone with Alzheimer's or dementia might experience if you just bring them to a big party or a gathering.

Michelle Martin: Sure, and keep in mind that every single person living with Alzheimer's disease and dementia is an individual, so this may not apply to every single person. However, we find that there are some things we can do generally to make a really, really big difference.

So I think the first thing we need to do is slow down. I know the holidays are hectic. We may be cooking dinners, wrapping presents, decorating Christmas trees.

That's all wonderful and that can all still happen. But the pace and schedule in which that happens needs to be adjusted. 

People living with dementia and Alzheimer's disease really do well when things are simplified, when things are consistent, when there's one thing going on at a time. 

So I have lots of little tips and tricks on how we can do those things. But really the first step is taking a step back, thinking about who you're planning for and what's meaningful for them around the holiday season. 

Really look at what they really looked forward to and start with that. So perhaps they were always the leader of decorating the Christmas tree, and maybe that's something that isn't quite possible right now, but maybe they can still be part of decorating the Christmas tree by maybe picking out those special ornaments and someone else places it on. 

It just shows you that with a little change in mindset, you can still involve people living with dementia, which is so important, and then you can have a beautiful holiday tradition. It just looks a little bit different.

Norris: Why is it important to be mindful of the length of a Christmas get-together?

Martin: Routine is very important for people living with Alzheimer's disease and dementia. Sometimes with holiday meals or get-togethers, meal times may be different than normal. That can be really disruptive for a person living with dementia. 

So not only is noise, maybe loud music, maybe lots of wonderful children running around, all of those things are great, but for someone living with Alzheimer's disease and dementia, that could be really overwhelming for them. 

What we suggest is to think about involving your loved one in a different way. So perhaps have smaller gatherings with maybe just immediate family and really follow the routine. So if 5:00 p.m. is supper time, make Christmas dinner 5:00 p.m. 

Also really important to have a quiet space set up, whether that's a bedroom or an office or downstairs. Just so that if that person living with dementia is becoming overwhelmed, you could perhaps remove them from that setting for a little while. 

Perhaps dim the lights, play some calm music, have a photo album if that's something that they like to do, and then bring them back to the activity when they're in a better place to participate.

Norris: The people with Alzheimer's may have a problem, obviously remembering names, right? I mean, what can we do to help them with that when there are so many people around but maybe you can't sit with them the whole time and just point out who people are?

Martin: A really wonderful thing that we learn from the business world is wearing name tags. And I know that seems funny, but really, is it? Does it put anybody out to wear a name tag?

You can go to the dollar store and buy 'hello, my name is' and a marker. 

And if everybody puts one of those on as they come into the home, that'll just decrease the anxiety, decrease having that person worried about that, they don't remember that person's name. So little tips and cues like name tags really go a long way and they are no big deal for us to wear them.

Norris: What about video calls? I mean, people may want to have video calls if it's not possible to get people out. Are those a good idea?

Martin: They can be a good idea for some … what I would suggest is doing a test with that person. So maybe having just one person on the other end of that video screen, do like a little test, see how they interact. 

Do they find that the screen is strange for them or are they fine with it? Did they find it personable? But that's what I would suggest is having a couple of dry runs. 

Maybe start with one person. If they do well with one person, maybe start with two people. See how they do. 

Preparation is everything when you're supporting someone living with dementia. So a couple of dry runs, then you'll know if it's going to be hit or miss right away.

Norris: What if you're planning to visit someone in a home or long-term care facility? What should people be prepared for? What should they keep in mind for that?

Martin: I'm really, really happy that people are going in and visiting people in long-term care retirement facilities. That's the most important thing. Again, what I would do is respect their routines. 

So don't visit during meal times, don't visit during whenever they have personal care arranged and keep your visits small. So maybe only have the immediate family, so the son and the daughter maybe come. And again, it's really what your routine is when you write, when you go to visit on a regular day, do you bring four people? How does she do or how does he do? Do you bring two people? How does he do? How does she do? 

It's really about that pattern of behaviour where that person with dementia has responded well. So keep doing that. In terms of visiting around the holidays, the person living with dementia may not realize that it's the holidays, and that's OK. 

We always say we meet people living with dementia and Alzheimer's disease where they are. So if it's just a regular day for them, that's OK, Go with it. Just go with it and enjoy the visit.

Norris: There are some people who are frustrated by people with dementia or Alzheimer's. They find it frustrating or it's uncomfortable to deal with them, right? What should they keep in mind, especially at this time of year?

Martin: I think it's really important that the person living with dementia or Alzheimer's disease is still that person. They are who they were. They are who they were when they grew up. They are who they were maybe when they raised you, when they were your partner, when they were that teacher, when they were that road worker, you know, whatever they were. 

It's really, really important to celebrate who that person is. Just because they're living with dementia now or Alzheimer's, they're looking at life differently. But it's really important for us around them to remember who they were … and respect them and love them for who they are. 

Just slow down a little bit and make the environment more successful.

LISTEN | Celebrating the holidays safely with loved ones who have Alzheimer's or dementia: