ReProm offers milestone chance for a queer rewrite 'with somebody who loves me'
'Everybody should be able to express who they really are'
- Watch as LGBT Calgarians explain why they wanted a redo of their grad night, in the video at the top of this story.
Alison Ashdown's grad night 13 years ago wasn't awful but it wasn't the magical, memory-making milestone that pop culture tells us it should be.
"I didn't experience a full version of the night I wanted," Ashdown told CBC News.
Ashdown is a trans woman and 2007 was many years before she began the journey to align her outward gender expression with her inner self.
"It is not something I got to do the first time around, the right way. The way I wanted to have a prom experience. Being socialized as a boy, that's how I went to prom. It was just a night. It didn't feel genuine."
That changed this weekend.
ReProm is Calgary's first grad night for LGBTQ2S+ people and allies, to give them the chapter-changing celebration they didn't get that many straight people take for granted.
"For starters, seeing myself in the mirror for who I am and being happy about that," Ashdown said, describing her take two.
"Being out in a public setting, looking my finest, my glammest and just being happy with what I am seeing."
And she's taking change to the next level. On top of ReProm, Ashdown just completed her transition surgery weeks ago and she's also looking at leaving her structural engineering job to return to school to pursue her passion for fashion.
"I see clarity in who I am and where I am going in life. It's only a recent thing. With transitioning I took the opportunity to change a lot about myself, like my career."
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Jordann Fleming and her girlfriend Kaylee Knox also graduated in 2007 and couldn't wait for their chance for a redo.
"It's a great idea," Fleming said Saturday night.
"It's super fun to have an event where we get to do prom over again, have a lot of fun and just be who you are with your community."
Miguel Alvarez said his prom of about a decade ago involved a mask.
"It was just a regular prom. I had to pretend I was into it," Alvarez said.
Not at ReProm, Satan (as RuPaul would say).
"You can be who you really are and do what you really want to do. I was never able to be who I really was in high school, so it's just really liberating and freeing. Everybody should be able to express who they really are and love who they want to love."
Ryan Rochon quit high school in Ontario because of how peers treated him due to his sexuality.
"[Ages] 14 and 15 were horrible, 16 was miserable," the 33-year-old said.
"I left school because of that. It was just not fun."
But for Rochon, things got better. He moved to Calgary and met William Wilson. They just celebrated eight years together.
Wilson would return his grad for a refund, if that were a thing.
"I didn't ask anyone to dance. I was a loner, geek kind of person. I was way, way, way too scared to act on my feelings back in high school. It was a lot to deal with back then. And now, I regret the wasted time," Wilson said.
Time wasn't wasted at ReProm for the couple.
"It was nice to be able to dance with someone you are actually in love with. Look him in the eyes and tell him how you feel and not have it be a weird thing."
Rochon wishes he knew as a teenager what he knows now.
"It will get easier, and it's not worth the pain we go through. So just, chin up, we got this. I didn't get that then, so I need it now."
Elizabeth Gamba knew she wasn't straight when she was 13. "It's been a minute," the 23-year-old said with a laugh.
But six years ago she went to her grad with her then-boyfriend, because that's what she thought she was supposed to do.
"It was OK. I was just, whatever, about it. It wasn't magical. It wasn't exciting," Gamba explained.
But for prom night 2.0 her date, girlfriend Kira Zandbergen, is a better fit, with totally no disrespect to that six-years-ago boyfriend.
"It is so important," Gamba said of events like ReProm and groups like gay-straight alliances.
"Not just for this community but for people outside the community, not only to tolerate but accept and celebrate."
Aly Velji and Jason Krell are a high-profile gay couple in Calgary but that was not the case for either of their grad nights.
"When we graduated, there was not the option to go with someone you were in a relationship with. You couldn't be out in high school," Krell said of his 1993 Medicine Hat graduation night.
He said often attitudes about LGBT people can change based on proximity.
"I like to think I am a role model for my niece and nephew. They can say, 'My uncle is gay. He and his husband get to do all these things they want to do.'"
Velji said he and Krell, who married two years ago, try to nudge people toward the rainbow with their social media influence.
"That is the most important thing, to make sure everybody hears what this is all about," Velji said.
"It's a beautiful thing. Everybody should be able to take who they want to prom."
But for Krell, it ain't all sunshine and lollipops.
"It makes me furious. This is 2020. These kinds of organizations, like ReProm host Centre for Sexuality, should be getting full support and instead I feel like our government, the UCP government, is taking a step back, and that is not OK. It's important for all of us to make a contribution and show our support for queer youth of Alberta."
Krell is talking about changes to gay-straight alliance legislation that critics warn could allow LGBTQ students to be outed.
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"I hope young people know there are resources out there and there are people who will support them," Velji said.
Another gay power couple said ReProm was way more than expected.
"I honestly wasn't expecting it to be this emotional, the symbolism," Mike Morrison said.
"Walking in. Seeing how much work everyone put into it. This is all out. This is a prom. It's been the prom that LGBT people deserve."
Morrison's partner Richard Einarson said his high school experience was lonely, like looking into a world from the outside.
"There wasn't a concept of being out at that time. As far as I knew, I was the only gay person in the world," Einarson said.
"And here I am now, here, for my second prom with the love of my life."
It was actually Morrison who sparked the idea of a Calgary prom for the gays.
"I saw it in Regina at a community centre. I sent it to Pam Krause and said, "You should do this in Calgary as a fundraiser.'"
And Krause, president and CEO of Centre for Sexuality, was a hard yes.
"We picked it up immediately," Krause said.
"It really resonated for our work where we are trying to create safe and inclusive spaces. For lots of us it was like, 'Wow, what were we missing?' A safe place called prom. It's a redo of what we always wished was the best night of our lives."
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And about 250 people got to experience that best life wish Saturday at the downtown Hyatt Regency Calgary.
"There's this feeling of inclusion we all longed for at prom," Krause said.
"What I feel most of all is people are being authentic. People are coming how they want to be and who they are."
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